Posts Tagged ‘Wes Welker’

Knowshon Makes a No-Know

February 9, 2012
*Sorry about the spacing. WordPress hates me today*
What a day yesterday. My goodness. This MLB Fan Cave campaigning is killing me, and it’s only the beginning. I can’t believe how much support I’ve gotten from throwing up a couple links and an event on Facebook. My family and friends are simply amazing for extending the invitation to so many hundreds of people.
I’m not going to lie. The contest means a lot to me. There’s no point in being passive about this opportunity; it’s never going to happen again, so I’m going all-out. That being said, I’m trying to focus on writing a normal Jam Shots blog right now. It’s tough, but here goes:
First of all, big props to my buddies at Bleacher Report for starting the newest sports posing trend: Bradying! I love it. It’s multiple times better than Tebowing, because it actually makes fun of someone. And if you’re starting to feel bad for Brady, get over it. He’s still got three rings and a supermodel wife. Yeah, life is rough.
Now sometimes making fun of an athlete goes a little too far. Did this online pawn shop really have to deliver 900 pounds of Butterfinger’s in Boston to “thank” Wes Welker? Was it really worth the money? I’d like to see anyone at that company catch a 60-yard pass.
And sometimes it is good to give Tom Brady some grief after all. The magician who somehow scored 50 large by betting the first score of the Super Bowl would be a Giants safety is going to donate all post-tax earnings to charity. Including $5,000 to one of Brady’s choice. Beautiful in so many ways.
Knowshon Moreno is, plain and simply, an idiot. I honestly forgot he was in the NFL this year, until he got a DUI the other day. He was pulled over in a car with a personalized license plate that read SAUCED. Seriously. He might as well have been playing flip cup on the hood of his car in the Highway Patrol parking lot. I’m just shocked at the stupidity.
Damn it, I thought I promised to stop talking about football. Ugh. These post-season shenanigans are just too good to pass up! If Brady or Welker think they have it bad, I bet they’ve never had to try to ski without legs. Check this guy out. What an awesome athlete. Completely fearless, and worthy of everyone’s respect, to say the least.
One last thing before I close out here. Do you remember the 7-foot-5 high schooler with the unpronounceable name who is running kids up and down the court in Southern California? He’s got a new highlight tape and it’s just unfair. I don’t know what else to say. Just watch.
Wednesday is for weird web stories. And I’ve given you some freaky deaky stuff over the past couple weeks. But this one might take the cake for strangeness. This, folks, is why I haven’t golfed in over eight years. That sport is DANGEROUS.
Thanks for reading, and please…KEEP VOTING FOR ME!!!!!!!!!! Peace, love and hair grease.

Grading the Super Bowl

February 6, 2012

Warning: If you like boring football games, stupid commercials and a jaw-droppingly awful halftime show, you might want to turn and run right now. Because you’re not going to enjoy my blog. I’ve got to keep this short and sweet today, but here are my grades for the Super Bowl yesterday:

New England Patriots: D

Not just because they lost – but because Tom Brady had the ball in his hand with one minute left in the Super Bowl, but couldn’t get the win? Hello, stone hands. Aaron Hernandez and Wes Welker both dropped HUGE passes down the stretch that may have cost the Pats a title.

New York Giants: C

They won, but they still looked bad. Eli Manning is elite, we get it. Giants fans can stop throwing that one at us now. But as a whole, aside from a couple plays when it mattered, it was a pretty ugly performance by the NFC champs.

Commercials: C+

There were some gems, like the moon walking dog, the sexy M&M and Clint Eastwood’s eerie narration. But for the most part? It was a let down. Maybe we have set our standards too high. But in a year when we KNEW the game would suck, why did the commercials have to suck just as hard?

Halftime Show: F———

I can give that grade, because it’s my blog and I do what I want! I definitely could have happily lived the rest of my life not seeing Madonna’s wrinkly world while she lip-synched and did assisted cartwheels. The best part of the show was laughing at how goofy Cee-Lo looked and the few lines they allowed Nicki Minaj to spit. M.I.A. flipped off the camera, but that was at least controversial and somewhat exciting. And LMFAO had no business wasting their time up there.

Did I mention how unbelievably horrifyingly bad Madonna’s new single is? Why is that grandmother trying to be a cheerleader (that’s what I thought watching it, at least…)? Her new single is the most offensive thing I’ve heard since the GOP debate in South Carolina. I’m shivering just thinking about how close the halftime show came to ruining my life.

Overall: B

Because I was enjoying my Super Browl (yes, bro-bowl combo) time with some old friends, drinking beer and BBQ’ing. That’s what made this game memorable. Not the hail mary at the end of the game or Mario Manningham’s good-but-already-overrated catch. Just the company.

By the way, we drank every time a commercial sucked. I think I’m still drunk.

In honor of the Super Bowl, I leave you with a Monday special. No Nic Cage clip of the week today (I KNOW. I’m sorry.)…instead, the commercial I’ve chosen as the overall best from Super Bowl Sunday. It’s none other than that adorable naked piece of chocolate.

Time to do work. Later, freaks and geeks.


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