Posts Tagged ‘Warrior’

And the Oscar Goes to…

February 27, 2012

…Angelina Jolie for her skeleton-in-a-dress outfit! Yay for jokes that are already old. But seriously, when did she go from being super hot to just kinda creepy-looking? Way to go, Brad.

I hate Mondays. We all do. While I was laying in bed this morning after being woken up by this glorious song (daily routine – try it, you’ll love it…money-back guarantee), I was brainstorming what to write for Jam Shots today. And by brainstorming, I mean my brain was starting like a car in the snow. Enough to keep me breathing, basically. And after I valiantly wrestled (and lost) with the idea of calling in sick to work due to exhaustion/Monday morning blues/nomotivation-itis, it dawned on me.

I can write an entertaining, sports-related blog that is timely because it is formatted after an awards show. And it will be fun and easy. Like I need Mondays to be. So, here goes:

Best Supporting Actor – LeBron James: I love the guy, and he’s the best athlete in the NBA, but let’s be real here. He’s not the go-to guy. Every player, coach and fan in the Miami Heat organization wants the ball in Dwyane Wade’s hands with the game on the line. I didn’t watch the NBA All-Star Game this weekend (nor the dunk contest…I was watching water boil instead. I found it much more exhilarating), but even Amish folk must have heard that LeBron passed up a game-winning shot with Kobe prodding him on.

Best Director – Davey Johnson: Okay, this is a completely unjustified selection. But so was Nick Nolte not winning best supporting actor for Warrior at the real Academy Awards. I don’t care that I haven’t seen the performances of the other four actors in that category. Good for that old dude for winning, but Nolte is old too. And he made me cry multiple times in that damn movie. Oh, right…Johnson. He’s the manager of the Washington Nationals. So this selection is based on my prediction that the Nats take home the N.L. East title this year. That’s an accomplishment that will undoubtedly win Johnson a Manager…er Director, of the Year award.

Best Actor – Kevin Durant: I’m just using simple logic here. The All-Star Game pits the best players in the game against each other. The MVP is the best player in a given league. If A + B = C, and B + C = A, then…oh, hell. I don’t know. But Durant took home the MVP honors in yesterday’s All-Star Game, therefore making him the best player in the NBA. It doesn’t exactly work like that, but he may be on track to lead the league’s best team to the NBA Finals. He’s going to be a front-runner for MVP and deservedly so. The Durantula is super fun to watch, and has an awesome nickname.

Best Picture – Moneyball Baseball: Yes, baseball in general. We’re fully into Spring Training. Which means we don’t have to pretend to care about the shortened NBA season or the Sharks lookin’ like a bunch of bums out on the ice. With the brief exception of March Madness, the next 8 months is all about the diamond. Fresh grass, sunflower seeds, incredibly uncomfortable jock protection, and fuzzy, green mascots. If we’re really talking films, take this into consideration. Some dude on Twitter last night during the Oscars had the balls to Tweet to Jermaine Dye that Moneyball was the best baseball movie ever made. I about fell out of my chair. I’m going to hunt that Tweeter down and shove a copy of The Natural (or The Sandlot. Or A League of Their Own. Or Field of Dreams. Or Bull Durham. Or The Rookie. Or Hardball, even. Get the point?) up his ass.

My version of the Oscars has four awards. Sorry I’m not sorry. And sorry it’s only men. I don’t know enough about women’s sports. But I presume Meryl Streep would be nominated in every category and I hope Octavia Spencer would win one of them, because her speech was awesome. Okay, bye now.

The Snub of All Snubs

February 18, 2012

I’ve talked snubbery many times on Jam Shots. From the Red Hot Chili Peppers omitting By the Way from their Greatest Hits album, to Klay Thompson not making the all-star game, to most of my pick-up lines at bars. But this new one takes snubbing to a completely new level. It’s like if the NBA’s anti-Monta Ellis committee hooked up with the writers who voted against Matt Kemp in the N.L. MVP balloting, and they had a child? That’s what this snub amounts to. Just stay with me here…

I looked over the Oscar nominees the other day. Conspicuously missing from the Best Actor category was a one Nick Nolte. You may remember him from The Prince of Tides…or more recently, The Hulk (don’t ask which one, I have no clue…they came out like 2 days apart).

This year, he starred in the film Warrior, which you’ve no doubt heard me drool over multiple times in this blog. And that’s because it’s one of the best movies I’ve ever seen. And one of the most incredible acting performances I’ve ever seen.

I’m keeping this short tonight because people are panicking in the Fan Cave because half of us have been followed on Twitter by the Fan Cave account and half have not (I’m in the latter…dun dun dun!), and I’m currently chatting with many scared cavers.

Anyway, Moneyball was good. Brad Pitt was okay, but he was basically just playing his role from Inglorious Basterds, minus the uniform and Nazi-bashing. Same voice, same cluelessness. I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I’m close to the Oakland situation that I thought it was just an average movie. But even rabid movie-goers can’t possibly think he was a great actor in that film.

I really can’t even explain how much of a travesty it is that Pitt is nominated for Best Actor and Nolte got the heave-ho. You need to watch Warrior as soon as possible and jump on the bandwagon. I’m all for starting a #Nolte4Oscars campaign.

Geez, this is really short. Sorry. And I just realized he is nominated. For best supporting actor. Which is also ridiculous. But it doesn’t hurt so bad anymore.

Goodnight, and wish me luck!

Is Driving a Zamboni Even Possible When You’re Sober?

February 3, 2012

Oopsies…

There’s going to be so much college football recruiting news in today’s blog, you’re going to be tackling red shirt walk-ons in your sleep. We’ve got a Jamarcus Russell-sized QB commit, one who loves fast food, and one who could allegedly be the butt of “therapist” (insert a space in the appropriate place and figure it out) jokes when it’s socially acceptable in a few years.

Let’s talk about Fatty McFattysons first. And please don’t tell him I said that, cause the dude is SCARY. I don’t know how effective a passer he’ll be in college, as he’s already rated as a “worse passer” than Russell was at this point in the recruiting process. But one thing is for sure. If he gets past the D-line when he’s scrambling, the only person with a prayer to bring him down is the mascot in a celebratory jump hug. Here’s to hoping he turns out more positively than Russell did.

Now this is just hilarious. I remember the day I had to choose which college I was going to attend. Not because I was signing a letter of intent to smash opposing players in the mouth, but because my mom called me at lunch in high school and told me I had to decide by the end of the day. But I absolutely did not choose Washington State over San Diego State because there were two McDonald’s in Pullman, WA. Give me a break, kid.

This one is not as funny. It’s scary, sad and troubling. If it’s true, of course. When it comes to the combination of sports and crime, though, it can be pretty gut-busting. For example, how does one get a DUI? If you drink, don’t drive. Duh. But, if you get a DUI driving a Zamboni on the ice rink?! That’s just silly. And you deserve a high five before getting locked up.

Hey, did you all hear? Tom Brady is now “The Most Hated Man in Buffalo!” Do you know why? He said the hotels in Buffalo weren’t that great. Jesus, media members. Chill the hell out. People in the city named after a stinky, dirty, ugly animal are offended that somebody was unhappy with the mints on their hotel pillows. Who gives a buffalo dropping?

The fact that this story is news pisses me off. And the fact that Buffolians are pissed off about it makes me want to punch a puppy. An ugly one though. Cute ones are unpunchable. This whole Brady-hatred-for-innocent-statement saga makes no sense. It’s not newsworthy. If he had pulled something like this, I’d understand a little anger.

Here’s some anger for you. If I could do this even from a distance; from a remote island to a disappearing ESPN cruise ship sailing into the sunset, I’d die happy. Then I’d draw “Screw YOU Skip!” in the sand and pee all over it. Props to you, Mr. Smith. And am I ever jealous.

I hate to end this blog on a sad note, but I have no choice. Josh Hamilton is one of the best sports stories in the world. He’s like Miracle combined with the Natural combined with Warrior, all on steroids. Oh, shit. Not on steroids. That joke definitely doesn’t work when referring to baseball. Comic relief aside, reports have surfaced that Hamilton was spotted drinking in a bar in Dallas. I really, really hope that these aren’t true. I’m a big Hamilton fan. And relapse is okay when you’re Jamblinman and you’re drinking the daily sports scoop. But when you were suspended for multiple years for drug and alcohol abuse, relapse is not ideal.

What can I do now, but leave you with an awesome song to jam to while you read the rest of my fabulous blogs? By the way, Buffalo. Everyone hates you. How appropriate, given my Friday Song of the Week. I feel like an actual band made up entirely of horses would sound a hell of a lot worse. Alright, go away…time for a beer. Too soon?

Save Me, San Francisco

January 29, 2012

People, it’s gonna be a short one today. It’s my mother freakin’ 23rd birthday, I’m feeling old and most importantly, I’m watching Warrior with the pops. By the way, if you haven’t seen this movie, close your laptop and get to your nearest Redbox to make it happen. It’s fantastic. Only Nick Nolte can make Moby Dick books on tape look awesome.

So, before I miss anymore bad ass acting, here goes.

Towson ended a long, long losing streak yesterday in college hoops, finally winning for the first time since the end of 2010. Word up to Novak Djokovic and Rafael Nadal for a crazy Aussie Open final, eventually won by Djokovic. Tiger let me down at Abu Dhabi, losing on the final day. Bummer dude.

West Virginia got screwed by the refs against Syracuse when a last-second goal tending call was ignored that would have tied the game. It was actually pretty fun seeing Bob Huggins’ forehead explode, I’ve gotta say.

And this might be the greatest thing ever, even if it’s just temporary. Tattoos, Dallas Braden and Rollie Fingers can only turn out well.

I wasn’t kidding when I said it would be short today. I’m hung over, back off. Sorry for partying. Time to watch this movie. I leave you with the Sunday Clip of the Week, always the one single best thing from this previous week. This one definitely rules. Later, gators.


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