Posts Tagged ‘Tiger Woods’

He’s Grrrrrrrrrrreat!

March 25, 2012

Shouldn’t I hate Tiger Woods? Isn’t there some part of this sports fan that should want to rip his cocky, adulterous face off? Then WHY is he so awesome?

If you’re not watching the Arnold Palmer Invitational right now, you’re missing out. All Tiger is doing is enjoying beastiality. Double take? Understandable. It’s a metaphor for Tiger mercilessly humping these mortal humans into golf submission.

Every single shot he takes is on target. His putts are money. He made four birdies in six holes through the first eight. Graeme McDowell is doing anything he can to keep pace, and he’s playing a damn good round. But Tiger is casually brushing him away like a gnat. 

Honestly, I don’t even like golf. I haven’t played since I was 15 and I was never that good at it. I understand the basics and I definitely can’t hit a ball straight. But there’s something about watching Tiger Woods that gets me pumped. And it’s not because he’s so good. It’s because there’s some crazy aura about him.

Maybe it’s because I’m not a serious golf fan. I won’t even look at it unless Tiger is playing. There’s no flair, no attitude, no controversy to the sport if he’s not in the hunt. But days like today leave me just sitting on my couch watching golf all…day…long. 

I know Tiger messed up. Big time. Multiple times. But he’s one of the greatest, most entertaining athletes of my generation. And I’m going to go ahead and sit here, unshowered, eating sunflower seeds and wait for that notorious man in the red Nike shirt to lay a huge fist pump on all of us at the end of 18.

Go Tiger.

The Tebow of Basketball

February 11, 2012

You know I couldn’t wait much longer to talk about the phenomenon of Jeremy Lin (great first name by the way…has a ring to it). He is the Tim Tebow of the NBA. Except he’s actually making a difference in their wins. Wait. So. Maybe he’s just…good?

Nawwwww. No way. No seriously. Even Kobe can’t contain the guy. It really is a great story though. Apparently, Lin wasn’t even a star in high school, but in the unlikeliest of scenarios, he’s now the starting point guard for the New York Knicks, wowing the home crowd at the Garden. I swear, if Lin carries the Knicks to the playoffs, he’s the biggest underdog in the history of sports.

So you think steroids in baseball are bad? How about cocaine? This isn’t the first time a former player has admitted to playing on coke, but it’s still considered not as bad as steroids for some reason. I will never understand that. Both drugs will mess you up, and clearly steroids aid a player more, but it’s freakin’ COCAINE. It’s almost impressive that these guys could play while coked out. But really it’s just stupid. I’m the foremost complainer about steroid-riddled players, but next time I bitch and moan about it, I’ll keep in mind that my favorite player could be doing lines in the locker room instead.

The biggest event of the sports weekend? Surprisingly, THIS. Notice that name hovering around the top with one round left to play? That’s Tiga Tiga Woods y’all! Even if you don’t like golf, even if you don’t like Tiger, you can’t pretend it doesn’t tickle your sports fan nipples every time Tiger is in the hunt going into the final round. I know I’ll be keeping an eye on that scoreboard all day tomorrow. That’s fer shizzle.

Lastly, did anyone see the video of Will Ferrell announcing the starting lineups for the New Orleans Hornets vs. Chicago Bulls game the other day? If not…you’re welcome. Absolutely hilarious.

I leave you with one more plea. My internet is failing miserably and I’m desperate to continue campaigning for my MLBFanCave candidacy. So read this blog, vote for me HERE and follow me on Twitter @jamblinman so I can get that coveted spot in the Big Apple this summer. Much love. Peace!

Roger Goodell Loves Mormons

February 4, 2012

Confused? Mission (HAH, mission!) accomplished! I say Roger Goodell loves Mormons, because he is doing everything he can to move games away from Sunday. It’s football, Roger! Games are played on Sundays. He announced a couple days ago that more games will start moving to Thursday Night Football in order to get more teams on prime time.

That’s awesome, considering people work on Friday mornings and will be less likely to stay up late and watch a game during the week. Sunday mornings are about church for some, NFL football for most. You can wake up late, grab a beer and some chips and relax in your Jamarcus Russell jersey all day. Like the league needs more money and exposure anyway. But it’s an impressive job of word-twisting by the evil commish to make it sound like he’s doing it for the teams’ benefits. Moving football games away from Sunday is like moving Christmas to December 26th because it’s a Friday.

At least Goodell isn’t as stupid as the city of Indianapolis (does that statement now make me the most hated man in Indiana? Send me your hate tweets, I can’t wait to read them). I understand the vision here, but I guarantee it’s going to backfire. People will gladly pay a small “fine,” especially when you give them the benefit of calling it a donation to charity, to be exceedingly intoxicated on Super Bowl weekend. This will be one of those grand experiments gone wrong, mark my words. It’s cute how lazy that Indy P.D. is, but when they are overrun by drunken, trespassing ticket scalpers who have a free pass and will take full advantage, they’re going to wish they had just done their jobs.

We have breaking news in the cycling world! Similar to Tiger Woods for golf, if it’s not Lance Armstrong, it’s not cycling news. But one of the greatest, most unfairly-attacked-by-French-people athletes of all time, is finally off the hook for a crime he never committed. The federal investigation into doping claims against Armstrong and his team has officially been dropped. Everyone knew he was clean; that’s why the case was completely, publicly forgotten about for the last three years.

I guess Lance now gets that justification of being told by those important government scientists that his seven straight Tour de France victories will stand. I wonder how much money they spent probing Armstrong over the last decade? No wonder our country is in financial ruin…by the way, I want to see Barry Bonds try to out-ride that field. That dirty cheater.

Yesterday, I was just begging for the news about Josh Hamilton relapsing to be false. Today I found out it was true. Hamilton faced the media, apologized for his relapse, explained what happened and promised to never let it happen again. I believe in Josh, but when he’s on such a big stage, even something like a few drinks at dinner is national news. Hopefully everyone is with me on rooting for Josh to get back to complete sobriety and never let one of those “weak moments” affect him again.

In my last real bit of news, Brandon Jacobs is apparently going to be a boxing promoter when his football-playing days are done. Brandon Jacobs is apparently already a boxing manager. Brandon Jacobs apparently used to box before turning to football full-time. Dude. I don’t care about the first two – who in their right mind would want to fight BRANDON JACOBS (6’4″, 264 lbs. of solid muscle by the way)?? Hang on, I’m going to go change my boxers. Oops. Accidentally punny.

Oh. And hey…do this: WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Before I leave you with the real Saturday Badass Clip of the Week, I’m going to give you a Badass-in-Training clip. Check this little guy out. Great form! He could beat most of my friends, that’s for sure.

Now for the Real S.B.C.O.T.W. – You’re welcome.

Damn, they are all TERRIBLE shots. All right, I’m out of here. I’m going to go see if the Walnut Creek P.D. will accept a charitable donation for my illegal shenanigans. Peace.

Save Me, San Francisco

January 29, 2012

People, it’s gonna be a short one today. It’s my mother freakin’ 23rd birthday, I’m feeling old and most importantly, I’m watching Warrior with the pops. By the way, if you haven’t seen this movie, close your laptop and get to your nearest Redbox to make it happen. It’s fantastic. Only Nick Nolte can make Moby Dick books on tape look awesome.

So, before I miss anymore bad ass acting, here goes.

Towson ended a long, long losing streak yesterday in college hoops, finally winning for the first time since the end of 2010. Word up to Novak Djokovic and Rafael Nadal for a crazy Aussie Open final, eventually won by Djokovic. Tiger let me down at Abu Dhabi, losing on the final day. Bummer dude.

West Virginia got screwed by the refs against Syracuse when a last-second goal tending call was ignored that would have tied the game. It was actually pretty fun seeing Bob Huggins’ forehead explode, I’ve gotta say.

And this might be the greatest thing ever, even if it’s just temporary. Tattoos, Dallas Braden and Rollie Fingers can only turn out well.

I wasn’t kidding when I said it would be short today. I’m hung over, back off. Sorry for partying. Time to watch this movie. I leave you with the Sunday Clip of the Week, always the one single best thing from this previous week. This one definitely rules. Later, gators.

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