Posts Tagged ‘Terrell Owens’

No Wonder

February 28, 2012

No wonder the economy stinks. Terrell Owens is having two Dallas-area condos auctioned off soon. Because he blew all $80 million he made playing in the NFL. Eighty million dollars? How? I can make $80 last a month, and this dude blew $80 million in a decade. Or just under a million a month. He deserves to be bankrupt. Sorry I’m not sorry.

Athletes and former athletes blowing their big fortunes has been a problem in sports (especially the NFL and NBA) for years now. With greater fortune, comes greater risk and responsibility. Unfortunately, according to the radio this morning, over half of former NFL and NBA players are now out of money. I don’t know where it’s all going, but I assume to mansions, cars and diamond-encrusted watches.

I can understand the desire to own such things. I’d like a fancy car someday. I even have my house plans already sketched out (and it ain’t gonna be cheap). And I also know what it’s like to spend my money stupidly. You know what you’re doing as you do it. Sometimes you stop, most of the time you go ahead, justifying it with the assertion that you have another paycheck coming next week, or that you’ll be able to pay if off a few months later.

Well, it doesn’t work like that. If you make $80 million, you factor in losing some to taxes. You factor in the cost of living, whether that be extravagantly or otherwise. You factor in bills and rent and gas money. You factor in paying for food and services and education for your family. That leaves a multi-millionaire with…oh, I don’t know. Multiple millions of dollars.

So, how did T.O. blow such a huge chunk of change in ten years? I don’t know and I don’t care, it just frustrates me beyond belief. Balancing a checkbook takes 10 seconds and is a very simple skill to learn. Hell, hire an accountant to take care of it for you. You have the money.

But instead, players like Owens are turning their ridiculous contracts into ridiculous debts. And I really don’t feel bad. Not because I’m jealous that they are professional athletes making millions of dollars. I am, that’s for sure, but that’s not why I don’t sympathize. It’s because besides the physical commitment that goes with being a celebrity/athlete, there are three things you need to be able to balance: your relationship with teammates, your relationship with the media, and a damn checkbook.

Which of the three sounds most difficult? If you answered option C, you’ve won a prize! Oh wait…Owens was sponsoring this blog and now can’t afford to give you a prize. Sucks to be you.

It’s hard for me to justify being upset that Roger Goodell makes so much money anymore. Because I hear about things like this, where it’s so fiscally irresponsible that I just want to run around screaming and punching walls, and I just can’t comprehend. Most of us sit in a cubicle and type e-mails for 40+ hours a week. And these guys who are blessed with the physical tools to compete at the highest level of sport in the world, are taking it completely for granted.

Tell ya what, T.O. I know you’re looking for a job. So, let’s trade. You take my job and I’ll audition for NFL scouts. I’ll tell you one thing for sure. If I make a roster and get a fat paycheck for catching a freakin’ football and running away from scary-looking dudes, I won’t treat it like Monopoly money.

Rant, end.

While We’re Young, Wild and Free

February 2, 2012

Well, we can officially put the “Blake Griffin is a God” talk to rest. As I pointed out yesterday, his dunk over Kendrick Perkins was significantly overrated and not even close to one of his ten personal best. Then, some doopster (dude hoopster) laid this beauty down in a college game. And suddenly, rightfully, Griffin is old news.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is how you finish a dunk.

I’m sure by now you’ve all seen some footage of the Egyptian stampede that took place after a soccer match yesterday. The death toll right now is at 74. I’m sure most people here don’t care because 1) it’s soccer, 2) it’s Egypt, but everyone needs to take notice. The United States essentially explodes from within when a streaker so much as tweets that he or she will storm the Phillies’ outfield.

Real fan violence takes place overseas, where soccer is king and passion falls like rain in Seattle (that’s a LOT, if you’ve never been). Take that into account next time you complain about that meany pants with the spiky face at the Raiders game yelled you suck to your family at the game. And if you go to a soccer game abroad, please be careful.

I finally have some baseball news! First, this. Because it’s the Yankees and they get too much pub to begin with, I’ll just hand you the link and tell you to read the first line and sit back in shock. And then you can think about it and realize how much sense Brian Cashman’s assertion makes. That’s all.

But even cooler, we have a Nyjer Morgan sighting! If you don’t like Nyjer, you must be either a commie or a Cardinals fan. But T-Plush is as bad ass a ballplayer as you’ll ever see. He’s the T.O. of baseball, minus the baby mama drama. So get a load of this guy taking on another sport! I love it.

Lastly, I have some punishment to dole out. Let me explain first. I have a raging bromance with Aldon Smith. He single-handedly gave me hope that the 49ers’ pass rush has a prayer in the next few years of returning to form. By the way, what’s the female version of bromance? I suggested homance and heavy flowmance, but my female friends didn’t take kindly to it. If you’re willing to risk public verbal flogging, comment below and tell me what the answer to that timeless question is.

Oh, right. Back to Aldon. He got a DUI the other day. The kid is barely old enough to drink. And as one of his fans, I wish I could just tell him this and let him walk. But he needs to be docked some serious pay by the NFL and a timeout from Coach Harbaugh. If he can make Alex Smith a respectable NFL quarterback, I’m sure he can help crank a few common sense life lessons through the younger Smith’s dense skull.

And it wouldn’t be Thursday without my P.T.Z.D.I.T.H.W.A! (Same title, but shorter. Whatever, just look.)

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