Posts Tagged ‘Tampa Bay Buccaneers’

NFL Draft: Grading Round 1 – The Confusion Chronicles

April 26, 2012

So, the first round of the 2012 NFL draft has ended. Needless to say…WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED? I’m pretty sure 29 of the 30 picks were defensive linemen, and what is Brandon Weeden doing going to Cleveland already? I’m just utterly confused and amazed at what just took place.

Rather than do the typical grading that all analysts do, I’m just going to grade based on how confused the pick made me. An “A” means not confused, an “F” means flabbergasted. Hah. Funny word, flabbergasted. Read on:

1. Indianapolis Colts: Andrew Luck, QB, Stanford

Well, duh. It’s been known since the day the Colts clinched the worst record that Andrew Luck would be Peyton Manning’s successor. Confusion Grade: A

2. Washington Redskins: Robert Griffin III, QB, Baylor

Well, duh. It’s been known since the day the Redskins traded for this pick that Robert Griffin III would be the next QB in Washington. Confusion Grade: A

3. Cleveland Browns: Trent Richardson, RB, Alabama

The Browns need all the help they can get. Getting a game-changing runner like T-Rich is a no-brainer for an offense that lacked so much punch. Confusion Grade: A

4. Minnesota Vikings: Matt Kalil, OT, USC

Poor Christian Ponder needs a little protection, and I’m not talking about in the bedroom. The Vikings made the obvious choice, getting the best lineman on the board. Confusion Grade: A

5. Jacksonville Jaguars: Justin Blackmon, WR, Oklahoma State

I mean…okay. Blackmon has a ton of potential. That’s great. But, the Jags wanted him so bad that they traded up to get him? Jacksonville better hope this works out. Confusion Grade: C

6. Dallas Cowboys: Morris Claiborne, CB, LSU

Anyone who nabbed Claiborne in this draft was going to score high, Wonderlic test be damned. I just hate that it had to be the Cowboys who got him. Confusion Grade: A-

7. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Mark Barron, SS, Alabama

The Bucs reportedly wanted Barron all along, and that’s why they moved back to get him. So good for them! I just don’t know why they are so enamored with Barron. Confusion Grade: C-

8. Miami Dolphins: Ryan Tannehill, QB, Texas A&M

It doesn’t matter what the Dolphins do, because Matt Moore will be better than this guy, and this guy won’t be Dan Marino. Sooo…wow. Confusion Grade: D

9. Carolina Panthers: Luke Kuechly, LB, Boston College

Obviously the Panthers need some defensive help, but the only reason this move makes sense is that they don’t believe their two solid inside LBs can stay healthy. Confusion Grade: F

10. Buffalo Bills: Stephon Gilmore, CB, South Carolina

Sure, why not. The Bills are another team that needs tons of help, so why not go for the play making defensive back that every analyst loves? Confusion Grade: A-

11. Kansas City Chiefs: Dontari Poe, DT, Memphis

And so it begins. The run of defensive lineman is longer and messier than the runs down my pants after eating Taco Bell. Which is actually a better decision than drafting Poe here. Confusion Grade: F

12. Philadelphia Eagles: Fletcher Cox, DT, Mississippi State

The Eagles traded up to the 12th slot just to get Cox? Seriously? Why not go with someone who is actually going to make a difference in the NFL? Confusion Grade: F

13. Arizona Cardinals: Michael Floyd, WR, Notre Dame

HAHAHA. I’m so happy this happened. Now the Cards have an elite wide receiver and one with the potential to be an elite wide receiver! Not sure how Kevin Kolb will throw to them from his back though…Confusion Grade: F

14. St. Louis Rams: Michael Brockers, DT, LSU

This dude is an absolute beast. Six foot five, 322 pounds of pure muscle and grit. Too bad none of the weight is devoted to his brain. Waste of a pick. Confusion Grade: F

15. Seattle Seahawks: Bruce Irvin, DE, West Virginia

Irvin is a really great story, but once again, Pete Carroll proves himself to be an absolute idiot. Enjoy 6-10, Seattle. It’s happening again. Good luck with Matt Flynn as your QB. Confusion Grade: F

16. New York Jets: Quinton Coples, DE, North Carolina

I actually love this pick by the Jets. But I hate the Jets. Mostly because they have Mark Sanchez AND Tim Tebow. Which means forget the defense, draft a QB. Confusion Grade: F

17. Cincinnati Bengals: Dre Kirkpatrick, CB, Alabama

Fantastic pick. I still think they could use a little more firepower on offense, but Andy Dalton and A.J. Green should be one year better and smarter in 2012. Confusion Grade: B+

18. San Diego Chargers: Melvin Ingram, DE, South Carolina

I like this pick for the skill they are getting, but is the defensive line really their biggest problem? How much longer until Philip Rivers is replaced? Confusion Grade: B-

19. Chicago Bears: Shea McClellin, DE, Boise State

Now we’re just starting to get desperate. Is this seriously the first-round defensive lineman the Bears wanted? I highly, highly doubt it. Confusion Grade: F

20. Tennessee Titans: Kendall Wright, WR, Baylor

He went a little earlier than most people expected, I think. But Wright has a ton of speed and a lot of analysts are high on him. Unfortunately, the Titans have nobody good to throw him the ball. Confusion Grade: B

21. New England Patriots: Chandler Jones, DE, Syracuse

The Patriots traded up for once and absolutely stole this guy from the rest of the league. The fact that so many other D-Linemen went before him is a straight travesty. Confusion Grade: A

22. Cleveland Browns: Brandon Weeden, QB, Oklahoma State

I thought this was a joke at first. He won’t play until he’s 30, if he plays at all. And Skip Bayless likes the pick, which should spell doom for Cleveland. Confusion Grade: F———–

23. Detroit Lions: Riley Reiff, OT, Iowa

The fact that Reiff was available this late is just stupid. How many teams wasted a pick before this that could have ended up with the second best tackle in the draft? Confusion Grade: A

24. Pittsburgh Steelers: David DeCastro, G, Stanford

Okay, yeah…what? Great, incredible, ridiculously good pick by the Steelers. Because DeCastro has the talent to be a top-10 pick. But he fell way too far. Confusion Grade: A-

25. New England Patriots: Dont’a Hightower, LB, Alabama

I love to hate the Patriots, but damn if they didn’t steal two future stars in the first round of this draft. After snagging Jones from Syracuse, they got the best inside linebacker on the board. Confusion Grade: A

26. Houston Texans: Whitney Mercilus, DE, Illinois

The Texans are one team that didn’t have a ton of changes to make. They already have a top-rated D, and with a healthy Matt Schaub, could be the best team in the AFC. Confusion Grade: A

27. Cincinnati Bengals: Kevin Zeitler, C, Wisconsin

Um. Who? ‘Nuff said. Confusion Grade: F

28. Green Bay Packers: Nick Perry, DE, USC

This monster of a lineman had been shooting up mock draft boards, but I’m still surprised he slipped this far. This could make the Packers’ D a lot better. Confusion Grade: A

29. Minnesota Vikings: Harrison Smith, FS, Notre Dame

Well that makes no sense. But at 6 foot 2, maybe Smith is a sleeper pick…still many different moves that should have been made for Minnesota before this one, though. Confusion Grade: D

30. San Francisco 49ers: A.J. Jenkins, WR, Illinois

This may just be the greatest first round pick in the history of any sport. With the speed of Steve Smith, the hands of Larry Fitzgerald and the heart of a lion, Jenkins is a sure-fire future Hall of Famer. Confusion Grade: A+

31. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Doug Martin, RB, Boise State

Not bad, Tampa Bay. Not bad. Other than the Patriots, the Bucs might be the biggest winner of day one. They grabbed a change of pace back here to go with LeGarrette Blount. Confusion Grade: A

32. New York Giants: David Wilson, RB, Virginia Tech

I hate it. I hate that the G-Men made such a good move. Wilson is going to be an absolute steal. I don’t know if he’ll lessen the hurt of losing Brandon Jacobs, but it’ll be close. Confusion Grade: A

So THAT’S Why Dwight Wants Out!

January 27, 2012

Holy guacamole we have a lot to talk about today. The last 24 hours in sports has gotten me buzzin’ on the good stuff. Winter X-Games is in full gear, the Magic have 99 problems but a swish ain’t one (actually it is), and hockey really is the best at something! Here we go (Oh, come ON. Totally fake, that house would not be livable)!

I’ll be honest. The reason I’m bringing up the Winter X-Games is because the guy who won gold in Snowmobile Freestyle laid down the first acceptable Tebow (short for Tebowing in this case) I’ve seen in months. First of all, I don’t know what a hippie-haired kid from Texas is doing winning a Winter X medal, but he killed it and then nailed the pose in front of Tebow’s Colorado faithful. Check it out.

On to the NBA, where Magic tricks are pulled on a daily basis. Or so it seems. I actually feel bad for Orlando (but I definitely don’t feel bad for this British broad…eat an apple, woman!). Not only does Dwight Howard want out, but they are giving him no reason to stay, and doing so in a losing-to-Boston fashion. And nobody likes Boston teams. Not even Boston likes Boston teams. Oh god, I can hear the mob of chowdah-slinging ruffians coming at me from here!

But really, the Magic got absolutely blown out by the Celts a couple of days ago. Then, yesterday, they built up a HUGE halftime lead. As in insurmountable. As in the only team who could blow that type of lead would be the 2004 Yankees (ZING! And Boston loves me again). Yet the Magic vanished, and they did blow that lead and any hope they had of retaining their big man. I no longer blame Dwight for wanting to bounce. That was simply embarrassing.

They were up 21 at halftime, had a big lead of 27 in the second half…and lost by eight. Twenty five points in the second half for Orlando, including being outscored 27-8 in the fourth quarter. Yikes. Sayonara, D12. I’m not even mad. That’s amazing! It must have been more difficult to screw up so royally than to actually win the game.

In other NBA news, I learned I’m very much in the minority. Not only because I hardly care about or follow professional basketball, but because I thought the ABA uniforms in the Grizzlies vs. Clippers game yesterday were freakin’ SWEET! Seriously, the NFL is going to let Nike’s blind fashionistas design next year’s uni’s when they could go with awesome throwbacks like that? I hope they wear those every night!

Before I move away from basketball altogether, I’ve got a little surprise for you! Remember the big posterization I mentioned from the college game a couple of days ago? Happy learned how to Google! Sit back, relax and enjoy this face mashing. That’s the most offensive thing I’ve seen since war and famine. Okay, I’ll stop stealing movie lines.

Moving on. Let’s talk a little football. First, the boring stuff. The Bucs hired former Rutgers coach Greg Schiano to take over the head coaching gig. Hey, if you think his college record that’s one game over .500 is that impressive, good on ya. Turning around the Rutgers football program is no small task, but an underachieving team full of rich, thuggish prima donnas is a helluva lot bigger problem. If Schiano can get QB Josh Freeman to regain confidence, leadership and the decision-making ability he showed in 2010, there’s a chance. Otherwise it’s going to be early curtains for the coach.

According to ESPN’s Cold Hard Facts segment, they think Rex Ryan is on the hot seat for next season. I’m a bigger fan of Rebecca Black than Rex Ryan, so after seeing that on the tube, this was me in my living room: Wahoo! I’ll bet you 50 pesos that you can’t watch that commercial without cracking a smile. And I’m so, so sorry if you clicked on the Rebecca Black link. I really am. But at least we know what day it is now…ugh.

Before I move on to some tear-jerking football news, can we just settle something? I respect Yahoo! Sports, I really do. I get a lot of breaking news through them and generally enjoy the blogs and articles I find on there. But my God, if they aren’t the worst at mis-titling their stuff. At least once a day I find something like this that was originally titled “Harbaugh Disses Californians.” Um. What?

And most recently the media has been getting its collective rocks off to a Peyton Manning vs. Colts’ owner Jim Irsay spat that isn’t a spat at all. In fact, the media made it news in the first place. It’s extremely frustrating to see a sports media outlet putting misleading titles on stories that aren’t controversial, just so they will get more reads. It’s cheating. It’s like drinking Four Lokos at a party – obviously you’re going to get drunk first and at the cheapest price. Be a man and drink a beer! “Firing back,” my ass.

Now, I don’t have much to say about these next two. Except they make my tummy feel funny in a good way. Not like the first time I saw Hayden Panettiere all grown up. More like that choking-back-tears feeling I get at the end of The Green Mile (spoiler alert). Check out Kyle Williams’ biggest little fan, and why Jason Pierre-Paul’s biggest supporter has never seen him play.

Lastly, for football, JoePa’s service took place yesterday. ESPN covered a bit of it, but a couple of things really struck me. First of all, 12,000 people showed up to support Paterno. Twelve. Thousand. That’s incredible. If I have a quarter of that many people who care about me when I’m gone, I’ll consider my life a fantastic success.

That being said, and I’m sure I’ll take flak for this one, Nike chairman Phil Knight had absolutely no reason to bring up the scandal when he was speaking. It was nice of him to whip the crowd into a frenzy for pro-Joe sentiment, but blaming what happened during the Jerry Sandusky investigation solely on the investigators is pure ignorance. I understand it’s not the time or place to acknowledge that Paterno played a role in everything, but that’s when you just keep your mouth shut.

Alright, we have one more bit of business today. I promised you that hockey actually does something better than every other sport. And now I’m here to deliver. The NHL All-Star Game is perfection. The MLB game is insanely flawed, the NBA version is over-the-top, and the Pro Bowl in the NFL is irrelevant. But in hockey, two captains get to choose teams in a draft format out of the pool of All-Stars. It’s fun for the players and the fans, and actually keeps the viewer interested.

And how awesome is this? Every year, the last guy picked in the “draft,” wins a new car. It’s like Mr. Irrelevant in the NFL draft, except they actually get to play…and then drive away in a sick new ride. Well done, hockey. Well done.

Whew. That was a lot. Hope you enjoyed it. And since it’s Friday, everyone’s getting ready to party this weekend, and I definitely need to redeem myself for linking to Rebecca Black earlier in the blog, here is the Friday Song of the Week. Because who doesn’t like a little fun? See what I did there? Seriously though, this band rocks.


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