Posts Tagged ‘Super Bowl’

A Reasonable Attempt to Explain Unreasonable Fandom

January 23, 2013

dodgers niners logoUsually when this topic comes up, I think, “Whatever! I don’t need to explain myself!

But upon further review, I really do have to justify it.

Such is the life of a Los Angeles Dodger/San Francisco 49er fan. It’s a strange, cross-state rivalry fandom that has just so many awkward, twisted aspects to it that it must not go ignored.

When my ecstatic tweets about the 49ers advancing to the Super Bowl subsided on Sunday, I had plenty of very confused and/or upset Dodgers followers who could not fathom me rooting for a team from San Francisco.

So let me offer my sincerest apologies for injuring said egos. But I will not apologize for my fandom. And this is why, from the beginning:

I’ve been a fan of both teams for so long that I can’t even remember the “Ah-ha!” moment of my fanhood. It’s just been ingrained in me since the day I was born, passed down from my father, who also supports both teams.

See, he grew up in Southern California and worshiped the Dodgers much like I do today. And while he was in the Raiders and Rams and Chargers zones down there, he appreciated the way the 49ers ran their organization. So, his favorite football team has always been the Niners, despite the geographic difference.

Luckily, he moved with my mom up to the Bay Area right before I was born. We got out of the smog and into my favorite place in the world. But even if we had stayed in SoCal, I would still be a 49ers fan. It’s in the family blood. That’s just how it works with sports.

Plus, L.A. is a football graveyard now. What I’m trying to say is…blame my dad if you want a scapegoat.

Just kidding. Sorta.

Yes, it’s weird growing up in Giants country as a Dodger fan. But from a young age I realized the theory of fair weather fandom and front-runner fandom and just thought it was plain stupid. So for the sports I cared about the most, it has been do-or-die, thick-and-thin, win-or-lose support for the last 24 years. That’s something any true fan should respect.

I’m writing this mostly for my Dodger fan friends who are aghast at the possibility of a member of the family rooting for anyone from San Francisco. Well let me tell you something, guys and gals. It’s not a geographic rivalry — it’s a sports rivalry.

Oh, don’t get me wrong. There is a geographic rivalry between SoCal and NorCal. I’m not sure why, since L.A. has the Dodgers, nice beaches, and a whole lot of nothing else. Whereas San Francisco has everything you could want in a hometown (to summarize: NorCal rules, SoCal drools).

So the hella dank California rivalry is kinda jaded bruh. It should not factor into the Dodgers-Giants rivalry (which, for those of you who have forgotten, started in NEW YORK). What should matter is that I always have, always do, and always will bleed Dodger Blue, whether I’m in San Francisco, L.A., Newfoundland or Timbuktu.

And another thing — 49ers fans here aren’t all Giants fans. Remember, there are two teams in each sport in the Bay Area, and all four teams have a large legion of fans. I know plenty of 49ers fans who despise the Giants and root for the A’s, and vice versa.

So…yes. I can love a team from San Francisco. I can also hate a team from San Francisco. And I do love a team from San Francisco, and hate a team from San Francisco. The only things those two teams have in common is they play within the same city limits.

kemp niners hat

All the while, I’ll love the city of San Francisco, love a team from L.A., and hate the city of L.A. These are values I’ve held since the day I was born (legend has it I wore a Dodgers hat and a Niners shirt in the womb, actually), and I don’t intend to give them up. I will not change my sports faith just because it’s logical.

To settle the final score, since this is mostly for people on Twitter, it seems like a good time to remind you who else roots for the Dodgers AND 49ers.

If you can’t accept any of the other reasons I’ve laid out for you; that I was born this way, stayed true, and don’t connect it to the geographic rivalry, then just tell people it’s because Matt Kemp is my idol.

After all, that’s true. And he plays for my favorite baseball team, while rooting for my favorite football team. Don’t forget it! Oh…and…um, please don’t unfollow me on Twitter. My social media presence is pathetic already…thanks.

So prepare to watch me happily tweet away as the 49ers take on the Ravens in about 10 days. And when Opening Day rolls around, you’ll see nonstop Dodger tweets filling your timeline. It’s up to you. Can you handle it? Can you make any sense of it? Either way, you better get used to it!

You can follow Jeremy on Twitter @Jamblinman. Until he tweets about the 49ers. Then you will unfollow me. Damn.

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Football, Jamilton and Announcements

May 25, 2012

I swear, I’m not just talking football today out of a semi-depression that my Dodgers lost to the ASTROS yesterday. Again. With Clayton Kershaw on the mound. Sigh.

I’ll forget the fact that we have been outscored 15-1 by Houston in our last two meetings combined. And just talk about something exceptionally exciting: the San Francisco 49ers, my hometown football team. My Dodgers of the NFL.

And that they are coming off a 13-3 season that was two muffed punts away from turning into a march to the Super Bowl. And that they are better this year. And the whole top-ranked defense is back. And our rookies are going to be game-changers. And we have brand new wide receivers. And we have no Chilo Rachal. And we have a healthy (finally) Michael Crabtree, who oh by the way, put up ELITE numbers in the second half of 2011. And we have a full off-season under Jim Harbaugh (also known as God, in my circles) for the players to learn his playbook and gel even more as a team.

All I have to say about that, is watch out everyone. If there is still any doubt in a fan’s mind that the 49ers are to be taken seriously as one of two or three legitimate Super Bowl contenders at this point in the summer, said fan is insane. Or a Raiders fan. Okay, so definitely insane.

Can you tell I’m excited?

As for dominant teams and players, I’ll stray away from the Dodgers for once. Remember, they lost to the Astros last night? Yeesh.

How about the Texas Rangers? Again. They dropped 14 runs today and Nelson Cruz had 8 RBI. That’s all the attention Nelly will get from me though. I’m here to talk about their best player, and possibly the best player in baseball: Josh Hamilton.

I’m not going to heap praise on the guy, I just want to ask one simple question: Can Jamilton hit 62? After hitting one today, he’s got 19 on the season in less than 50 games. I’m no math whiz, but considering there are 162 games in a season, I’d have to say he’s on pace for approximately 60.

Who’s to say he can’t go on another ridiculous streak and bomb 8 in one week? He’s certainly got the eye, the strength and the swing to do more damage. My only problem is he hasn’t played a full season…ever? Chances are, Hamilton will miss a chunk of about 15-20 games, which could greatly hinder his home run chase.

My verdict: Hamilton goes nuts this year. But not nuts enough. I’ll give him an average well over .300, 52 homers and 145 RBI. Those numbers will earn him the MVP and two of the three Triple Crown categories. But the home run record will remain Roger Maris’.

Suck on that, Barry, Mark and Sammy.

Last on the agenda today, a sad announcement. Jam Shots will be moving to a weekly format, instead of daily. I’ve been writing this (almost) daily since January 23rd, a span of 130 days by the end of this month. This is my 113th post, out of 125 days.

I’m impressed with myself. That’s like…like…a .900 batting average! Unheard of! Incredible! Hall of Fame worthy!

Alas, I can’t keep up. I’m hanging up my keyboard and going into more of a player/manager role. I do anticipate a couple of things: my weekly blogs will be even MORE epic. And, I get to also post weekly on my old blog, Jamblin’ Man! That one won’t be about sports, so 90 percent of my audience will actually read them. If you like my sports, stick with Jam Shots. Otherwise, be ready for the revival of an old friend.

And there will just be so much more room for activities.

Jam Shots will be strictly for sports, posted once a week. Jamblin’ Man will show off my freelance writing SKILLZ, with just thoughts, ramblings, poetry, travel writing, creative writing and everything in between. And of course…that will be posted once a week as well.

Thanks to everyone who has clicked my silly links every day in 2012, and hopefully, when June rolls around and this baby goes weekly, you’ll stick with me and continue to read.

Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter @Jamblinman!

Three Things I’m Happy About Today

March 21, 2012

Yes, it’s that simple. Three things. Today. That make me happy. Lezzgo.

1. Alex Smith resigning with the 49ers made me jump for joy. Literally. I looked ridiculous. I can finally re-open my Smith shrine. And I’m fully looking forward to charging the public per visit once he wins the Super Bowl in 2012-2013. Seriously, the 49ers are a legit Super Bowl favorite now after somehow convincing Alex to forgive them. Don’t forget, they added two very good wide receivers and re-signed all 11 defensive starters. Uh-oh, here comes troubleeeee! (Opposing teams.)

2. Sean Payton was suspended by the NFL and Fuhrer Goodell for the entire season for the bounty mess. I like Payton a lot and I like the Saints, but this was absolutely deserved. If you’re going to pay your players to hurt other players, instead of just preaching old-school, hard-nose football, you are going to pay the price. What ever happened to the desire to win being enough motivation? I’d be happy if Gregg Williams never coaches again in the NFL.

3. Tim Tebow is traded to the New York Jets. This simply makes me happy because I have way too many friends who are Tebow fans. This will not only prove that last year was a fluke (the Jets are a much worse defensive team compared to the Broncos), but it’s going to be absolutely hilarious to watch Tebow and Mark Sanchez try to throw passes. If you like watching car wrecks, welcome to your new favorite team, the New York Jets. Oh, and Rex Ryan is a little bitch.

That’s all I have for you today. Bye-Bye Tebow. Sucks to be you, Ryan and Sanchez. Bye-Bye Payton. Helloooooo Alex Smith! We missed you.

I’m Back, But Is Alex Smith?

March 19, 2012

I don’t even know where to start.

Do I selfishly berate the throngs of desperate 49er fans who are now clamoring for management to bring Alex Smith back under any circumstance? Do I angrily lash out at said management for treating Alex like a dirty sorority girl last week and then forcing him to do a long walk of shame, before drunkenly sobbing to him on the phone to come back for another lay?

How about I explain the multiple reasons why Colin Kaepernick can NOT get us to the Super Bowl, Harbaugh’s QB-coaching abilities be damned? Or maybe why our awesome pursuit of WR help could be rendered pointless?

Hmmm…decisions, decisions. Wait! I’ve got it. I’ll do all of the above. Because if I don’t let it out on here, I know a couple puppies who are getting punted instead. *Deep breath*…Okay, so:

First of all, because it’s least relevant and I want as many bandwagon Alex fans on the “bring him back” campaign, let me just remind everyone who has been the most loyal Smith fan since day one. THIS GUY! I’ve been a huge apologist, from the 32 coordinators he’s had to the shitty offensive lines to the dumbass coaches. He’s got the skill (Exhibit A: 2011) and the smarts, but you see what occurs when it’s all put into a consistent, healthy system. Great things happen.

So by all means, keep begging on your knees that Alex will come back so you can carelessly boo him every time we don’t score 40 points next season. But in the grieving/begging process, just remember you owe it to that guy to be truly grateful for not ditching this franchise years ago.

Now. The people who really screwed the pooch. Jim Harbaugh, Jed York, Trent Baalke and all their little minions. What the HELL were you thinking? It’s one thing to have the desire to sign a Hall of Fame QB. But if you’re going to actually (and PUBLICLY) pursue Peyton Manning, you damn well better sign his ass.

Because doing what you just did is akin to trying to balance your high school girlfriend at home and the hot new chick you just met at college and hope neither of them find out. Well, guess what? The new girl was always too hot for you and has already moved on. And that plain, lovable girl at home might never talk to you again. Have fun with that cold shower.

Don’t get me wrong – I think Kap will be a successful quarterback eventually. But I don’t know if he’s the right guy for the offense the 49ers are running, and he’s definitely too young and inexperienced to carry a team with Super Bowl expectations. And I absolutely love that the Niners aggressively addressed the depth at wide receiver with Mario Manningham and Randy Moss getting contracts.

That being said, who is going to throw them the ball? I really think this was an unintentional mistake. I think if they 49ers were going after Manning, they expected to sign him. Oops. Fail. My only hope now is that the powers that be will fly straight to wherever Alex is and get down on bended knee, asking for forgiveness.

The kid has been through way too much crap from this organization already, there’s going to come a point where he is just going to walk away. And nobody will be able to blame him when that happens. It’s a sad day when Smith can’t get a guaranteed spot on the 49ers, but Matt Flynn, winner of 1 career NFL game, is made the starting QB of another team.

Please. Please. PLEASE. Bring Alex back!

 

All Apologies

March 11, 2012

I’m ashamed. The ruling is in…GUILTY! For the first time since starting Jam Shots, I’ve failed to post. Yesterday will be forever empty on the calendar. “Daily relapse of a raging sportsaholic,” huh? Apparently not.

I blame the daylight savings time change. I blame the steroids. I blame the Germans. Hopefully you will all forgive me. I know I’ve let you down immensely. But we can shake hands, move on, and I’ll rock your world from now on. I solemnly swear to never miss a day again.

Okay, the truth is…I was having a good ol’ college Saturday: Drinking with the roommate and the parents (on their tab – oh, the joys of still living at home!). Can’t blame me for that, can you?

Back to my old habit – sports talk.

First, let’s talk podcasts. Later today I am recording episode two of Three Up, Three Down. If you missed it last Monday, you missed six incredibly knowledgeable, smooth-talking baseball fans spewing news and analysis at you. You don’t want to miss it this time. We’ll be talking divisional news, Yu Darvish, and maybe even some predictions for you. Look for it tomorrow at this somewhat famous website (yeah, we’re that good), and while you’re waiting, give us a follow at @3u3d on Twitter.

Also, I’ve been invited to co-host FanvsFan.com’s weekly live national podcast, MLB Inside the Numbers. Friday was my first go at it, and I’m actually listening to it right now. I gotta say…it went well. It was a lot of fun, having guests on air and debating with a couple of guys who really know their baseball. Feel free to check it out HERE and tune in at 6pm Pacific Standard Time next Friday for the next episode.

Although I won’t be there next week. Bad timing. I got a cool Fan Caver to show the Bay Area to. Listen either way.

Speaking of baseball, did anyone see what I saw in Spring Training yesterday? Yeonis Cespedes hitting the ball to Cuba from Arizona? Check this out – he turned on a high and outside pitch and hit it at least 700 feet to left field. No doubt. Okay not really. But if you’re an A’s fan, you’ve gotta love the start. Two for two, a home run and two RBI? Looks like an MVP to me.

One last thing – a little breaking news. According to BleacherReport.com’s push notification on my phone JUST NOW, the San Francisco 49ers are working out Randy Moss. Before Niner fans freak out, think about it. We are in the same situation as the Patriots were. If we don’t like his attitude or work ethic, cut him. But if he’s ready to be part of this team, he will immediately become the best receiver on the field. Helloooooo Super Bowl!

Well, I have to get ready for the aforementioned Three Up, Three Down podcast. Please tune in! You won’t regret it.

Remember to follow the blog, listen to the podcast, follow us on Twitter and like us on Facebook!

Until tomorrow…

Quarterbacks Galore

March 6, 2012

I know, I know. It’s baseball season. TRUST ME. I understand that. I spent half my day listening to the Dodgers’ Spring Training broadcast on my phone. But first of all, there are three big QB topics to discuss today. And secondly, I’m still a little butt-hurt that the aforementioned Doyers lost to the Giants…

…it’s gonna be a long season.

Let’s start with my boy Alex Smith. I’ve been hearing way too much on talk radio over the last few days that Colin Kapernick should “get a shot.” The only shot Kap should be taking right now is shots of Patron as he chills on the bench, watching Smith lead the 49ers back to the playoffs.

Wow, that was an awfully bad play on words. Give me a break, I’m off my game – that Dodgers loss is really getting to me!

Smith will be back with the Niners next season, he will be the starter, and Kap will get another full season to hone his skills and learn a little leadership under Jim Harbaugh. I’m fine with giving the kid a shot in the preseason and in blowouts, as long as he doesn’t throw the ball to Josh Morgan. Since he jinxed him and Morgan busted his ankle on that catch-and-run from Kap last year.

But for now, you can talk about Smith’s inability to throw the deep ball, his mediocre stats or his boring demeanor all you want. I’ll show you tape of the NFC Divisional playoff all day and challenge you to tell me that Alex Mother Beepin’ Smith wasn’t the biggest reason we advanced to the NFC Championship just a couple short months ago.

Now, he’s no Drew Brees or even post-neck-surgery Peyton Manning. Not many QBs are. But that brings me to my next point. The New Orleans Saints are just being plain STUPID lately. Don’t even get me started on the bounty nonsense, because this blog will turn into a very angry novel. I’m talking about how they pissed off their franchise quarterback by tagging him with that exact distinction: their “franchise” player.

Except this time, it means that he gets paid a shit ton less than he should. That’s not even what Brees is “livid” about. He’s upset that he specifically told the Saints not to franchise him and wanted to knock out a long-term deal. Telling Brees no in this situation is like the animals on Noah’s Ark kicking him overboard. Brees saved the Saints’ franchise and brought them a Super Bowl title, yet they are going right at his knees with this contract crap. Ironic, considering…nevermind I won’t go there.

And in the biggest news of the day, the elder (and now less-prominent, as far as Super Bowl victories go…WTF?) Manning is out in Indy! The Colts declined to pay him $28 million to do nothing. Okay, so that’s fine. I can understand that business decision. And it’s too bad, because even though Andrew Luck may be a once-in-a-lifetime prospect, he’s still unproven.

If anything, you can expect a Sam Bradford-esque rookie season out of Luck. I’m sure the Colts will enjoy letting their new QB get beat up and rack up “L’s” while Manning does his thing in Washington, or Seattle, or Arizona or wherever the hell there is a GM smart enough to pick him up!

Don’t get me wrong – I like Luck and I think he’ll do great. But those are some gigantic, Hall-of-Fame sized cleats to fill in Indianapolis. As for Peyton? Don’t fret. He missed out on a cool chunk of change, but the dude’s gonna get paid a King’s ransom no matter where he goes. And chances are, he’ll probably be playing postseason football wherever he goes.

That’s all for today. Tomorrow, it’s back to baseball. I promise. Heck, I’ll even make a plug right here, right now.

Cretins! Read the Three Up, Three Down blog! Listen to the Three Up, Three Down podcast! Like the Three Up, Three Down Facebook page! And follow us on Twitter at @3U3D. You won’t be disappointed.

Until tomorrow, this is Colin Kaepernick…taking Jam Shots. (No? Not even a giggle?)

Knowshon Makes a No-Know

February 9, 2012
*Sorry about the spacing. WordPress hates me today*
What a day yesterday. My goodness. This MLB Fan Cave campaigning is killing me, and it’s only the beginning. I can’t believe how much support I’ve gotten from throwing up a couple links and an event on Facebook. My family and friends are simply amazing for extending the invitation to so many hundreds of people.
I’m not going to lie. The contest means a lot to me. There’s no point in being passive about this opportunity; it’s never going to happen again, so I’m going all-out. That being said, I’m trying to focus on writing a normal Jam Shots blog right now. It’s tough, but here goes:
First of all, big props to my buddies at Bleacher Report for starting the newest sports posing trend: Bradying! I love it. It’s multiple times better than Tebowing, because it actually makes fun of someone. And if you’re starting to feel bad for Brady, get over it. He’s still got three rings and a supermodel wife. Yeah, life is rough.
Now sometimes making fun of an athlete goes a little too far. Did this online pawn shop really have to deliver 900 pounds of Butterfinger’s in Boston to “thank” Wes Welker? Was it really worth the money? I’d like to see anyone at that company catch a 60-yard pass.
And sometimes it is good to give Tom Brady some grief after all. The magician who somehow scored 50 large by betting the first score of the Super Bowl would be a Giants safety is going to donate all post-tax earnings to charity. Including $5,000 to one of Brady’s choice. Beautiful in so many ways.
Knowshon Moreno is, plain and simply, an idiot. I honestly forgot he was in the NFL this year, until he got a DUI the other day. He was pulled over in a car with a personalized license plate that read SAUCED. Seriously. He might as well have been playing flip cup on the hood of his car in the Highway Patrol parking lot. I’m just shocked at the stupidity.
Damn it, I thought I promised to stop talking about football. Ugh. These post-season shenanigans are just too good to pass up! If Brady or Welker think they have it bad, I bet they’ve never had to try to ski without legs. Check this guy out. What an awesome athlete. Completely fearless, and worthy of everyone’s respect, to say the least.
One last thing before I close out here. Do you remember the 7-foot-5 high schooler with the unpronounceable name who is running kids up and down the court in Southern California? He’s got a new highlight tape and it’s just unfair. I don’t know what else to say. Just watch.
Wednesday is for weird web stories. And I’ve given you some freaky deaky stuff over the past couple weeks. But this one might take the cake for strangeness. This, folks, is why I haven’t golfed in over eight years. That sport is DANGEROUS.
Thanks for reading, and please…KEEP VOTING FOR ME!!!!!!!!!! Peace, love and hair grease.

Grading the Super Bowl

February 6, 2012

Warning: If you like boring football games, stupid commercials and a jaw-droppingly awful halftime show, you might want to turn and run right now. Because you’re not going to enjoy my blog. I’ve got to keep this short and sweet today, but here are my grades for the Super Bowl yesterday:

New England Patriots: D

Not just because they lost – but because Tom Brady had the ball in his hand with one minute left in the Super Bowl, but couldn’t get the win? Hello, stone hands. Aaron Hernandez and Wes Welker both dropped HUGE passes down the stretch that may have cost the Pats a title.

New York Giants: C

They won, but they still looked bad. Eli Manning is elite, we get it. Giants fans can stop throwing that one at us now. But as a whole, aside from a couple plays when it mattered, it was a pretty ugly performance by the NFC champs.

Commercials: C+

There were some gems, like the moon walking dog, the sexy M&M and Clint Eastwood’s eerie narration. But for the most part? It was a let down. Maybe we have set our standards too high. But in a year when we KNEW the game would suck, why did the commercials have to suck just as hard?

Halftime Show: F———

I can give that grade, because it’s my blog and I do what I want! I definitely could have happily lived the rest of my life not seeing Madonna’s wrinkly world while she lip-synched and did assisted cartwheels. The best part of the show was laughing at how goofy Cee-Lo looked and the few lines they allowed Nicki Minaj to spit. M.I.A. flipped off the camera, but that was at least controversial and somewhat exciting. And LMFAO had no business wasting their time up there.

Did I mention how unbelievably horrifyingly bad Madonna’s new single is? Why is that grandmother trying to be a cheerleader (that’s what I thought watching it, at least…)? Her new single is the most offensive thing I’ve heard since the GOP debate in South Carolina. I’m shivering just thinking about how close the halftime show came to ruining my life.

Overall: B

Because I was enjoying my Super Browl (yes, bro-bowl combo) time with some old friends, drinking beer and BBQ’ing. That’s what made this game memorable. Not the hail mary at the end of the game or Mario Manningham’s good-but-already-overrated catch. Just the company.

By the way, we drank every time a commercial sucked. I think I’m still drunk.

In honor of the Super Bowl, I leave you with a Monday special. No Nic Cage clip of the week today (I KNOW. I’m sorry.)…instead, the commercial I’ve chosen as the overall best from Super Bowl Sunday. It’s none other than that adorable naked piece of chocolate.

Time to do work. Later, freaks and geeks.

The Patriots Are Assholes

February 5, 2012

And I don’t mean that in an I’m-jealous-they-always-win kind of way. I mean that in a how-can-you-cut-a-dude-the-night-before-the-Super-Bowl kind of way? Let alone the one guy who got a Patriots logo shaved into the back of his flat top?! It’s heartless, it’s cruel, and it’s football. It’s the third time Tiquan Underwood has been cut this season.

And for anyone who thinks it’s no big deal because he’s still getting paid and will still get a ring if the Pats pull off the win…well you’ve obviously never played sports. Ninety nine percent of athletes would sacrifice the hardware and the paycheck to actually get to participate in their respective championship game. And I’m sure Underwood is no different; on the surface he may play it cool, but I promise on the inside he’s all like THIS.

We’ve got a snub alert! The major NFL awards were announced yesterday. My balanced, unbiased ballot looked like this:

Coach of the Year – Jim Harbaugh, San Francisco 49ers

MVP – Patrick Willis, San Francisco 49ers

Offensive Rookie of the Year – Kendall Hunter, San Francisco 49ers

Defensive Rookie of the Year – Aldon Smith, San Francisco 49ers

Offensive Player of the Year – Vernon Davis, San Francisco 49ers

Defensive Player of the Year – Justin Smith, San Francisco 49ers

Comeback Player of the Year – Alex Smith, San Francisco 49ers

Walter Payton Man of the Year – NaVorro Bowman, San Francisco 49ers (I don’t know why, I just wanted to give him an award)

All of the above that are in bold were picks I got right. As you can see, the NFL set a record with an 87.5% snub percentage in one season. Seven of the eight obvious choices were wrongly-awarded, denying the great players who truly deserved them. Harbaugh was a shoo-in, that was my easy choice.

But if you actually watched football this year, you’d have to agree that Willis was more deserving of MVP than Aaron Rodgers, Hunter should have unseated Cam Newton, Aldon Smith should have dominated Von Miller, Vernon should have beaten Drew Brees, Justin Smith should have easily won over Terrell Suggs, and Alex Smith should have out-comebacked Matthew Stafford. But it’s okay. I’m used to the 49ers getting snubbed by the East Coast bias.

I’m thinking if I ever meet someone who votes for those idiotic awards, this is how I’ll greet him or her. DAMN. Nice hit. A slight exaggeration on the announcer’s part though. I mean, 25 feet? Really? C’mon dude-iffer!

This is Sunday. Which means it’s the Super Bowl. Which means who gives a shit? I’ve never been this apathetic about the big game. But, I’ll still watch it so that I can write some whiny, annoying blog tomorrow about how lame the re-match was. Aren’t you excited?!

I leave you with some more football. In the Sunday Clip of the Week. It’s long, but if you appreciate good defense, you’ll love this kid’s tape. Check. It. Out.

Time to go destroy some Raider fans at beer pong.

Roger Goodell Loves Mormons

February 4, 2012

Confused? Mission (HAH, mission!) accomplished! I say Roger Goodell loves Mormons, because he is doing everything he can to move games away from Sunday. It’s football, Roger! Games are played on Sundays. He announced a couple days ago that more games will start moving to Thursday Night Football in order to get more teams on prime time.

That’s awesome, considering people work on Friday mornings and will be less likely to stay up late and watch a game during the week. Sunday mornings are about church for some, NFL football for most. You can wake up late, grab a beer and some chips and relax in your Jamarcus Russell jersey all day. Like the league needs more money and exposure anyway. But it’s an impressive job of word-twisting by the evil commish to make it sound like he’s doing it for the teams’ benefits. Moving football games away from Sunday is like moving Christmas to December 26th because it’s a Friday.

At least Goodell isn’t as stupid as the city of Indianapolis (does that statement now make me the most hated man in Indiana? Send me your hate tweets, I can’t wait to read them). I understand the vision here, but I guarantee it’s going to backfire. People will gladly pay a small “fine,” especially when you give them the benefit of calling it a donation to charity, to be exceedingly intoxicated on Super Bowl weekend. This will be one of those grand experiments gone wrong, mark my words. It’s cute how lazy that Indy P.D. is, but when they are overrun by drunken, trespassing ticket scalpers who have a free pass and will take full advantage, they’re going to wish they had just done their jobs.

We have breaking news in the cycling world! Similar to Tiger Woods for golf, if it’s not Lance Armstrong, it’s not cycling news. But one of the greatest, most unfairly-attacked-by-French-people athletes of all time, is finally off the hook for a crime he never committed. The federal investigation into doping claims against Armstrong and his team has officially been dropped. Everyone knew he was clean; that’s why the case was completely, publicly forgotten about for the last three years.

I guess Lance now gets that justification of being told by those important government scientists that his seven straight Tour de France victories will stand. I wonder how much money they spent probing Armstrong over the last decade? No wonder our country is in financial ruin…by the way, I want to see Barry Bonds try to out-ride that field. That dirty cheater.

Yesterday, I was just begging for the news about Josh Hamilton relapsing to be false. Today I found out it was true. Hamilton faced the media, apologized for his relapse, explained what happened and promised to never let it happen again. I believe in Josh, but when he’s on such a big stage, even something like a few drinks at dinner is national news. Hopefully everyone is with me on rooting for Josh to get back to complete sobriety and never let one of those “weak moments” affect him again.

In my last real bit of news, Brandon Jacobs is apparently going to be a boxing promoter when his football-playing days are done. Brandon Jacobs is apparently already a boxing manager. Brandon Jacobs apparently used to box before turning to football full-time. Dude. I don’t care about the first two – who in their right mind would want to fight BRANDON JACOBS (6’4″, 264 lbs. of solid muscle by the way)?? Hang on, I’m going to go change my boxers. Oops. Accidentally punny.

Oh. And hey…do this: WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Before I leave you with the real Saturday Badass Clip of the Week, I’m going to give you a Badass-in-Training clip. Check this little guy out. Great form! He could beat most of my friends, that’s for sure.

Now for the Real S.B.C.O.T.W. – You’re welcome.

Damn, they are all TERRIBLE shots. All right, I’m out of here. I’m going to go see if the Walnut Creek P.D. will accept a charitable donation for my illegal shenanigans. Peace.


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