Posts Tagged ‘Patrick Willis’

Abouttttt FACE!

April 25, 2012

Ten other things Javy Guerra could probably survive if he walked off a baseball hit at his face over 100 MPH from 60 feet away. No seriously, it hit him right in the jaw, and he just kept on pitching. Then promptly blew the save. We don’t have to talk about that.

Here goes:

1. Shark attack

2. Ninja penguins

3. A Coco Crisp punch

4. A Patrick Willis tackle

5. Watching The Fog all the way through

6. Taking a nap in a fireplace…when it’s lit

7. Sitting on a pitchfork

8. A Chuck Norris round house kick

9. An O.J. Simpson robbery

10. Reading how awful this blog is

And the Bounty Increases

April 5, 2012

I really do try to stray from football news, especially on Opening Weekend for Major League Baseball. STOKED for that, by the way. Check out my predictions for today’s games, if you missed it last night.

But when something as ridiculous as the Saints’ Bountygate, as it’s come to be known, dominates the headlines, I have to take a look. And then when aforementioned gate of bounty pops up and is directed specifically at my San Francisco 49ers, I get all Mama Bear on it. Hah. That’s funny to imagine me trying to protect monsters like Patrick Willis and Justin Smith.

Anyway, check out the audio from Gregg Williams, the Saints suspended defensive coordinator:

Pretty messed up, huh? I’ve already heard people defending Williams – “All coaches talk like that in the locker room!” Well, first of all…no, they don’t. Secondly, if a large majority of them do, something needs to change. I can totally get behind “BASH HIS BRAINS IN! LAY HIM OUT! JACK HIM UP!” to get players pumped up before a play. But calling out specific players and where to hit them is absolutely ridiculous.

Kill Frank Gore’s head? First of all, that doesn’t make sense. If you’ve killed a person’s head, chances are you’ve killed his entire body. But I wouldn’t expect an idiot like Williams to understand basic human biology. Anyway, how about taking out Michael Crabtree’s ACL, or hitting Kyle Williams (a very inconsequential player in the whole situation) in the head when he’s already displaying concussion symptoms? That’s something the NFL takes very seriously anyway, and now their coaches…er, former coaches…are targeting those injuries?

This makes James Harrison look like a very intimidating altar boy. I’m glad Roger Goodell cracked down so hard, and I really expect him to uphold the suspensions. Especially after this audio came out today.

By the way, Gregg. How did all that talk work out for you? Smith was scared in pre-season was he? Well he looked pretty good planting and confidently throwing the game-winning touchdown to Vernon Davis to knock your sorry asses out of the playoffs last year.

Maybe coaches of teams like this (high-powered offense, hardly a lick of defense to speak of), should teach their players how to properly tackle or cover a receiver before worrying about breaking a guy in half for a measly sum. It might have helped in that game. Just sayin’.

Oh. And the best part of this? Nobody on the 49ers went down in that game. But someone on the Saints sure did. Irony is fun.

Not So Saintly

March 3, 2012

Ugh. This story disgusts me. For anyone who hasn’t already heard, the New Orleans Saints (ironic, now) kept a “bounty fund” that rewarded defensive players for inflicting injury upon opposing players. That is absolutely unbelievable, immoral and deserves exceptionally strict penalties.

I understand that defensive players are paid to knock the crap out of anyone who’s carrying a football. They are taught to use helmets, pads, and the hardest, sharpest parts of their bodies to do whatever it takes to get that guy to the ground. But “jacking someone up” or “knocking someone out” are phrases. That’s not truly what the mindset of the majority of players is.

Except, apparently, if motivated by an extra $1,000.

So these gigantic human WMDs who already pull in at least half a mil per year, need an extra thousand dollars as a reward for hurting fellow athletes and friends? It’s unfathomable. And to think, it’s an organization that I had come to respect greatly and even secretly root for when they weren’t facing off against the 49ers.

I don’t know how many dark, mysterious adjectives I can use in one post to describe my feelings, but the first  emotion I had when the story broke was just pure disgust.

I can guarantee you right now that the best, most fierce linebackers in the game are not on that field aiming to hurt anyone. Patrick Willis. Clay Matthews. Even Ray Lewis, despite his intensity, is a soldier of the game. He plays to win, but he does it with class and respect, as all athletes should do.

Look, in high school I fake tagged at second base and the runner injured his ankle sliding late to avoid the throw that never came. I felt terrible. I know fake tagging is done even at the Major League level, and as a 15-year-old it’s almost excusable as just an immature act, but that doesn’t change the fact that another player was physically harmed because of something I did.

Professional athletes are on the biggest stage in the world and have NO excuse for things like that.

So, what are the repercussions? Time will tell. But everyone who crapped their pants over the Patriots’ Spygate incident a few years ago is probably internally combusting right now. Because this is far, far worse. And far more disturbing.

I think, as the article states, that the Saints should be hit with at least three lost picks and a hefty fine. But perhaps more damaging to that team is the respect they will lose from the rest of the league and the general fan base. All I know is if any of those players on defense are carrying the ball at some point next year, they are going to get absolutely rocked.

And those hits will be for free.

The Patriots Are Assholes

February 5, 2012

And I don’t mean that in an I’m-jealous-they-always-win kind of way. I mean that in a how-can-you-cut-a-dude-the-night-before-the-Super-Bowl kind of way? Let alone the one guy who got a Patriots logo shaved into the back of his flat top?! It’s heartless, it’s cruel, and it’s football. It’s the third time Tiquan Underwood has been cut this season.

And for anyone who thinks it’s no big deal because he’s still getting paid and will still get a ring if the Pats pull off the win…well you’ve obviously never played sports. Ninety nine percent of athletes would sacrifice the hardware and the paycheck to actually get to participate in their respective championship game. And I’m sure Underwood is no different; on the surface he may play it cool, but I promise on the inside he’s all like THIS.

We’ve got a snub alert! The major NFL awards were announced yesterday. My balanced, unbiased ballot looked like this:

Coach of the Year – Jim Harbaugh, San Francisco 49ers

MVP – Patrick Willis, San Francisco 49ers

Offensive Rookie of the Year – Kendall Hunter, San Francisco 49ers

Defensive Rookie of the Year – Aldon Smith, San Francisco 49ers

Offensive Player of the Year – Vernon Davis, San Francisco 49ers

Defensive Player of the Year – Justin Smith, San Francisco 49ers

Comeback Player of the Year – Alex Smith, San Francisco 49ers

Walter Payton Man of the Year – NaVorro Bowman, San Francisco 49ers (I don’t know why, I just wanted to give him an award)

All of the above that are in bold were picks I got right. As you can see, the NFL set a record with an 87.5% snub percentage in one season. Seven of the eight obvious choices were wrongly-awarded, denying the great players who truly deserved them. Harbaugh was a shoo-in, that was my easy choice.

But if you actually watched football this year, you’d have to agree that Willis was more deserving of MVP than Aaron Rodgers, Hunter should have unseated Cam Newton, Aldon Smith should have dominated Von Miller, Vernon should have beaten Drew Brees, Justin Smith should have easily won over Terrell Suggs, and Alex Smith should have out-comebacked Matthew Stafford. But it’s okay. I’m used to the 49ers getting snubbed by the East Coast bias.

I’m thinking if I ever meet someone who votes for those idiotic awards, this is how I’ll greet him or her. DAMN. Nice hit. A slight exaggeration on the announcer’s part though. I mean, 25 feet? Really? C’mon dude-iffer!

This is Sunday. Which means it’s the Super Bowl. Which means who gives a shit? I’ve never been this apathetic about the big game. But, I’ll still watch it so that I can write some whiny, annoying blog tomorrow about how lame the re-match was. Aren’t you excited?!

I leave you with some more football. In the Sunday Clip of the Week. It’s long, but if you appreciate good defense, you’ll love this kid’s tape. Check. It. Out.

Time to go destroy some Raider fans at beer pong.


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