Posts Tagged ‘NFC’

Post-NFL Draft Predictions

April 30, 2012

The results are in, folks. The NFL Draft is OVER. I’m part thankful because I don’t have to listen to Mel Kiper blab about his “profession” anymore, but I’m also bummed. While I love baseball, this means no football until August at the earliest.

Oh, well. At least the Dodgers are still dominating. Here are my predicted standings for the 2012 NFL season with the newest additions to the teams:

AFC East:

1. New England Patriots

All the Patriots did over the weekend was address needs on defense. They finally traded up and now have a potentially good defense to complement the still-explosive offense. The Patriots are a no-doubt pick to win this division.

2. Buffalo Bills

Last year’s trendy pick to win the division got better, but still aren’t there yet. They might have a chance to challenge for the Wild Card after selecting CB Stephon Gilmore with their first pick and might have scored a sleeper in LB Tank Carder.

3. New York Jets

And, queue the angry Jets fans whining about my selection. To them, I say stop wasting time with Sanchez Dee and Tebow Dum and draft a real quarterback, because the rest of the team isn’t half bad. But getting a couple above average guys in this draft isn’t going to help much.

4. Miami Dolphins

I like some of the picks the Dolphins made, but Ryan Tannehill was both unnecessary and stupid. Matt Moore is a better QB right now than Tannehill ever will be in my opinion. This team is still in need of tons of help.

AFC North:

1. Pittsburgh Steelers

Steel City is back on top this season after fixing the one big problem they had. Ben Roethlisberger’s sore ass from being sacked millions of times. They got two great offensive line prospects early in the draft and will be much improved all around.

2. Baltimore Ravens

I’m actually very underwhelmed with what the Ravens did in this year’s draft. Fortunately, they didn’t have a ton of issues that needed fixing. They should cruise to a Wild Card spot in 2012.

3. Cincinnati Bengals

The Bengals got a LOT better through this draft. Considering they barely missed the playoffs last year, this could spell doom for any other Wild Card hopefuls next season. Could both Wild Card teams come from this division next seasons? I say yes.

4. Cleveland Browns

I love the first pick. Trent Richardson will be a ferocious beast for Cleveland. Then they went and ruined it by drafting a 28-year-old below-average quarterback in the FIRST ROUND. Kill me now.

AFC South:

1. Houston Texans

The Texans should run away with this division. They are competing with three teams who have Jake Locker, Andrew Luck and Blaine Gabbert at QB. Expect a full, healthy season from Matt Schaub and an easy division title.

2. Jacksonville Jaguars

The Jags will be a little better, but not much. I do like that they went out and got Justin Blackmon in the first round, but the problem is less about Gabbert’s weapons than Gabbert himself.

3. Tennessee Titans

Jake Locker is not an NFL-caliber QB, and Matt Hasselbeck makes way too many mistakes to keep this team competitive. If they get a good year out of Chris Johnson, they MIGHT crack .500, but I doubt it.

4. Indianapolis Colts

Not only did Indy grab Luck with the first overall selection, but they used their next two picks on solid tight ends. Hello, Stanford! The Colts also nabbed an underrated running back in Vick Ballard late. They aren’t ready yet, but heading in the right direction.

AFC West:

1. San Diego Chargers

I know they are the kings of screwing the pooch, but the Chargers have the most talented team already on the field, and had the best draft in the division (although that’s really not saying much). I expect them to NOT blow it in 2012.

2. Denver Broncos

You can’t count out a team with a healthy Peyton Manning. But they aren’t a playoff team again until I’m assured Manning can actually take a hit. The defense is still overrated, but the offense should put up more points than people think.

3. Kansas City Chiefs

Another underwhelming draft in this division, as the only REAL impact player they got was Dontari Poe with their first pick. And even that was risky. We’ll see how Matt Cassel, Jamaal Charles and Eric Berry bounce back. K.C. could surprise. Again.

4. Oakland Raiders

My god, what a mess. The draft was basically pointless for them, and they’ve been cutting salary and players for weeks. The Raiders, with their play makers on offense, could pull a few upset victories, but this is a 5-win team at best in 2012.

NFC East:

1. Philadelphia Eagles

I know, I know. They will figure it out this year, though. The Eagles added a lot of underrated pieces in this draft, and finally made some smart moves instead of just going for broke on star power. Look for a dominant triumph in this division next season.

2. New York Giants

The defending champs will probably still make the playoffs, because…well, don’t they always? But time will tell. They have a habit of putting their fans through cardiac arrest, and I don’t think they improved at all from a team that lost Mario Manningham and Brandon Jacobs.

3. Dallas Cowboys

And despite a pretty solid draft, the Cowboys still suck. Bummer. I especially like their first round selection of Morris Claiborne, but he’ll take some adjusting to the NFL game. I fully expect this team to contend…in 2013.

4. Washington Redskins

Robert Griffin III is going to be exceptionally fun to watch, and he’s already better-liked than Donovan McNabb was. Funny what a little humility gets you. The rest of the draft was a little puzzling, especially the selection of another QB, Kirk Cousins.

NFC North:

1. Green Bay Packers

Green Bay’s draft was a snoozer, but they did make a couple good picks getting Jerel Worthy and Nick Perry to shore up the defense. This team still has Aaron Rodgers, so I’ll be shocked if they don’t win the division.

2. Chicago Bears

Sorry Lions fans, but the Bears really improved. First of all, they will have their healthy QB back. Don’t forget that’s the only reason they missed the playoffs last season. Plus, they get to pair Alshon Jeffery with Brandon Marshall. Poor opposing DBs.

3. Detroit Lions

While Daaaaa Bears will snag a Wild Card spot, the Lions are going to be sitting at home wondering what the hell went wrong. I’ll tell you – Jim Schwartz can’t control an immature team, no matter who they draft. I’ll put the over/under at ten for Lions suspensions next season.

4. Minnesota Vikings

They are actually on the way up, just not quick enough. I liked their draft, though getting Harrison Smith late in the first round was quite a reach. You have to like Adrian Peterson and Christian Ponder, but the Vikes still come up very short.

NFC South:

1. Atlanta Falcons

I really don’t think the Falcons are a contender, but they will win this division by default. Carolina’s defense still isn’t ready, the Saints don’t have coaches, and the Bucs still need help. I like getting Peter Konz in the draft, but the rest of the picks were just questionable.

2. New Orleans Saints

Call me crazy, but the Saints will still squeak into the playoffs with the second Wild Card spot. They still have some dude named Drew Brees and an offense capable of putting up 50. Unfortunately, they barely helped themselves through the draft.

3. Carolina Panthers

This division is going to be VERY competitive. I like the Panthers trying to help their defense through the draft, but they didn’t do it aggressively enough. I think Luke Kuechly was a big reach that high for a position they didn’t necessarily need.

4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

If Josh Freeman can turn his shit around from a horrendous 2011, the Bucs could surprise people. I think they had the best draft in the division, nabbing Mark Barron in the first round and guys like Doug Martin and LaVonte David later on.

NFC West:

1. San Francisco 49ers

Okay, obviously this is my team. But the 49ers won free agency in the offseason, put together the best draft in the division, and are the favorites by a mile to win this division. If any other team goes .500 I’d be surprised. The 49ers have a shot at another 13-3 season.

2. St. Louis Rams

I actually really like what the Rams did in this draft. They scored Michael Brockers in the first round, but made really nice picks at receiver with Brian Quick and Chris Givens. They aren’t ready yet, but could scare some people for the Wild Card in 2012.

3. Seattle Seahawks

Prove to me that Matt Flynn isn’t a fluke, and I might say this team is .500-worthy. But until then, they have no QB as far as I’m concerned. I think the Hawks had the worst draft in the NFL, although they may have stolen QB Russell Wilson on Day Two.

4. Arizona Cardinals

Okay, everyone. That’s enough. Stop singing the Cards’ praises just because they drafted Michael Floyd. Yes, they now have the best receiver in the game (Larry Fitzgerald) and a guy with huge potential in Floyd. Who’s going to throw them the ball? Kevin Kolb? Thanks for the laugh.

That’s all I have for now! Thanks for reading, tune in tomorrow, and don’t forget to follow me on Twitter @Jamblinman!

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Grading the Super Bowl

February 6, 2012

Warning: If you like boring football games, stupid commercials and a jaw-droppingly awful halftime show, you might want to turn and run right now. Because you’re not going to enjoy my blog. I’ve got to keep this short and sweet today, but here are my grades for the Super Bowl yesterday:

New England Patriots: D

Not just because they lost – but because Tom Brady had the ball in his hand with one minute left in the Super Bowl, but couldn’t get the win? Hello, stone hands. Aaron Hernandez and Wes Welker both dropped HUGE passes down the stretch that may have cost the Pats a title.

New York Giants: C

They won, but they still looked bad. Eli Manning is elite, we get it. Giants fans can stop throwing that one at us now. But as a whole, aside from a couple plays when it mattered, it was a pretty ugly performance by the NFC champs.

Commercials: C+

There were some gems, like the moon walking dog, the sexy M&M and Clint Eastwood’s eerie narration. But for the most part? It was a let down. Maybe we have set our standards too high. But in a year when we KNEW the game would suck, why did the commercials have to suck just as hard?

Halftime Show: F———

I can give that grade, because it’s my blog and I do what I want! I definitely could have happily lived the rest of my life not seeing Madonna’s wrinkly world while she lip-synched and did assisted cartwheels. The best part of the show was laughing at how goofy Cee-Lo looked and the few lines they allowed Nicki Minaj to spit. M.I.A. flipped off the camera, but that was at least controversial and somewhat exciting. And LMFAO had no business wasting their time up there.

Did I mention how unbelievably horrifyingly bad Madonna’s new single is? Why is that grandmother trying to be a cheerleader (that’s what I thought watching it, at least…)? Her new single is the most offensive thing I’ve heard since the GOP debate in South Carolina. I’m shivering just thinking about how close the halftime show came to ruining my life.

Overall: B

Because I was enjoying my Super Browl (yes, bro-bowl combo) time with some old friends, drinking beer and BBQ’ing. That’s what made this game memorable. Not the hail mary at the end of the game or Mario Manningham’s good-but-already-overrated catch. Just the company.

By the way, we drank every time a commercial sucked. I think I’m still drunk.

In honor of the Super Bowl, I leave you with a Monday special. No Nic Cage clip of the week today (I KNOW. I’m sorry.)…instead, the commercial I’ve chosen as the overall best from Super Bowl Sunday. It’s none other than that adorable naked piece of chocolate.

Time to do work. Later, freaks and geeks.

And On The Third Day, God Created Soccer

February 1, 2012

If you think watching Wayne Rooney or Lionel Messi weave through foot traffic and tuck a shot into the back of the net is pretty, you haven’t seen THIS. Oh my sweet Lanta. I’m tempted to just stop the blog on that glorious note. Or link every word to that video. But since I know my dedicated readers (that’s you, dummy!) would flip a female dog, I’ll continue on.

Without a doubt, that is the most epic goal I’ve seen in years. Everything came together perfectly to make that happen – planets aligning, gravity, wind chill, the length of the dude’s shorts. Everything, I tell you. Now comment below and tell me which scorpion move was better? That first one, or the original?

One thing is for sure. Blake Griffin’s dunk the other night on Kendrick Perkins was pretty filthy, but not even his best of the year. Everyone needs to calm down. I see LeBron throwing down cooler jams than that on a nightly basis. Call me when Griffin gets glorified for a real dunk. You know, like when his follow through actually allows his hand to touch the rim.

Is anyone else sick of me talking about basketball? Oh, thank God! I was beginning to go crazy. Wait. Sick? Basketball? Crazy? That can only mean one thing! The Bernie Fine scandal is back! But with a hilariously cougariffic twist. Here’s my disclaimer: I, Jamblinman, do not condone any activities in the following link; nor do I support the behavior of either party. Yet, both alleged parties were consenting adults and this is the gospel to MILF-hunters everywhere. If it bothers you, yell at me. Now, check it out. As those crazy kids today say, ROFL LOLOLZ! I’ll give you old folks a minute to figure that one out.

……

Time’s up!

Now for my last bit of business, this is something I rarely do. I will hardly ever be found verbally abusing Aaron Rodgers. He’s an incredible quarterback on a team I passionately hate, but he’s a good guy, a hard-working athlete and one of the most elite passers in the NFL. With all the mushy stuff out of the way, he needs to get a grip and take a chill pill. Just relax, Aaron! We don’t want you killing any politicians, now do we?

But yesterday, Rodgers was quoted as saying the following after the NFC’s Pro Bowl loss:

“I’ll be honest with you,” Rodgers said. “I was a little bit disappointed. I felt like some of the guys on the NFC side embarrassed themselves. […]

“I wanted to know the plays and I wanted to play well, and I wanted to give the fans a show, and make the Green Bay fans who watched and were watching for me and my teammates, I wanted to make them proud of their Pro Bowlers. I was just surprised that some of the guys either didn’t want to play or when they were in there didn’t put any effort into it.”

Umm, okay then, psycho! I understand his point of wanting to show off for the fans. But nobody wants to get hurt, especially in the least interesting all-star game in sports history. As they should, most guys were there to sleep off the aches and pains of a long season and take in the beautiful Hawaiian beaches.

I don’t know what Rodgers’ beef is with the teammates. No fans were watching anyway. I mean, give me a break. I can only think of one thing in the world that would be less interesting to watch than the freakin’ Pro Bowl. Actually, that’s kind of funny – and definitely has more views than last Sunday’s game.

As per normal, I leave you with the Weird Wednesday Web Story. Okay, so OMG BRB TTYL Ellen is on!!!


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