Posts Tagged ‘Mario Manningham’

I’m Back, But Is Alex Smith?

March 19, 2012

I don’t even know where to start.

Do I selfishly berate the throngs of desperate 49er fans who are now clamoring for management to bring Alex Smith back under any circumstance? Do I angrily lash out at said management for treating Alex like a dirty sorority girl last week and then forcing him to do a long walk of shame, before drunkenly sobbing to him on the phone to come back for another lay?

How about I explain the multiple reasons why Colin Kaepernick can NOT get us to the Super Bowl, Harbaugh’s QB-coaching abilities be damned? Or maybe why our awesome pursuit of WR help could be rendered pointless?

Hmmm…decisions, decisions. Wait! I’ve got it. I’ll do all of the above. Because if I don’t let it out on here, I know a couple puppies who are getting punted instead. *Deep breath*…Okay, so:

First of all, because it’s least relevant and I want as many bandwagon Alex fans on the “bring him back” campaign, let me just remind everyone who has been the most loyal Smith fan since day one. THIS GUY! I’ve been a huge apologist, from the 32 coordinators he’s had to the shitty offensive lines to the dumbass coaches. He’s got the skill (Exhibit A: 2011) and the smarts, but you see what occurs when it’s all put into a consistent, healthy system. Great things happen.

So by all means, keep begging on your knees that Alex will come back so you can carelessly boo him every time we don’t score 40 points next season. But in the grieving/begging process, just remember you owe it to that guy to be truly grateful for not ditching this franchise years ago.

Now. The people who really screwed the pooch. Jim Harbaugh, Jed York, Trent Baalke and all their little minions. What the HELL were you thinking? It’s one thing to have the desire to sign a Hall of Fame QB. But if you’re going to actually (and PUBLICLY) pursue Peyton Manning, you damn well better sign his ass.

Because doing what you just did is akin to trying to balance your high school girlfriend at home and the hot new chick you just met at college and hope neither of them find out. Well, guess what? The new girl was always too hot for you and has already moved on. And that plain, lovable girl at home might never talk to you again. Have fun with that cold shower.

Don’t get me wrong – I think Kap will be a successful quarterback eventually. But I don’t know if he’s the right guy for the offense the 49ers are running, and he’s definitely too young and inexperienced to carry a team with Super Bowl expectations. And I absolutely love that the Niners aggressively addressed the depth at wide receiver with Mario Manningham and Randy Moss getting contracts.

That being said, who is going to throw them the ball? I really think this was an unintentional mistake. I think if they 49ers were going after Manning, they expected to sign him. Oops. Fail. My only hope now is that the powers that be will fly straight to wherever Alex is and get down on bended knee, asking for forgiveness.

The kid has been through way too much crap from this organization already, there’s going to come a point where he is just going to walk away. And nobody will be able to blame him when that happens. It’s a sad day when Smith can’t get a guaranteed spot on the 49ers, but Matt Flynn, winner of 1 career NFL game, is made the starting QB of another team.

Please. Please. PLEASE. Bring Alex back!

 

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Grading the Super Bowl

February 6, 2012

Warning: If you like boring football games, stupid commercials and a jaw-droppingly awful halftime show, you might want to turn and run right now. Because you’re not going to enjoy my blog. I’ve got to keep this short and sweet today, but here are my grades for the Super Bowl yesterday:

New England Patriots: D

Not just because they lost – but because Tom Brady had the ball in his hand with one minute left in the Super Bowl, but couldn’t get the win? Hello, stone hands. Aaron Hernandez and Wes Welker both dropped HUGE passes down the stretch that may have cost the Pats a title.

New York Giants: C

They won, but they still looked bad. Eli Manning is elite, we get it. Giants fans can stop throwing that one at us now. But as a whole, aside from a couple plays when it mattered, it was a pretty ugly performance by the NFC champs.

Commercials: C+

There were some gems, like the moon walking dog, the sexy M&M and Clint Eastwood’s eerie narration. But for the most part? It was a let down. Maybe we have set our standards too high. But in a year when we KNEW the game would suck, why did the commercials have to suck just as hard?

Halftime Show: F———

I can give that grade, because it’s my blog and I do what I want! I definitely could have happily lived the rest of my life not seeing Madonna’s wrinkly world while she lip-synched and did assisted cartwheels. The best part of the show was laughing at how goofy Cee-Lo looked and the few lines they allowed Nicki Minaj to spit. M.I.A. flipped off the camera, but that was at least controversial and somewhat exciting. And LMFAO had no business wasting their time up there.

Did I mention how unbelievably horrifyingly bad Madonna’s new single is? Why is that grandmother trying to be a cheerleader (that’s what I thought watching it, at least…)? Her new single is the most offensive thing I’ve heard since the GOP debate in South Carolina. I’m shivering just thinking about how close the halftime show came to ruining my life.

Overall: B

Because I was enjoying my Super Browl (yes, bro-bowl combo) time with some old friends, drinking beer and BBQ’ing. That’s what made this game memorable. Not the hail mary at the end of the game or Mario Manningham’s good-but-already-overrated catch. Just the company.

By the way, we drank every time a commercial sucked. I think I’m still drunk.

In honor of the Super Bowl, I leave you with a Monday special. No Nic Cage clip of the week today (I KNOW. I’m sorry.)…instead, the commercial I’ve chosen as the overall best from Super Bowl Sunday. It’s none other than that adorable naked piece of chocolate.

Time to do work. Later, freaks and geeks.


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