Posts Tagged ‘LeBron James’

The Art of Fair Weather Fandom

December 12, 2012

imageI know what you’re thinking: Jeremy, how would you know? You are the most hardcore, dedicated, handsome Dodgers and 49ers fan this side of Matt Kemp!

First of all, thank you. I agree. And yes – believe it or not, Dodgers star center fielder is a diehard 49ers fan.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t know a thing or two about fair weather fandom. Take, for example, the fact that I “root” for the Seattle Sounders because my ex-girlfriend’s dad got me hammered drunk at the only game I’ve attended.

As far as I know, that’s the coolest soccer team in the country because of one very hazy experience I had.

Or let’s talk about the Indiana Pacers; Reggie Miller was my favorite NBA player growing up, so naturally, I rooted for the Pacers. It was weird, unique, different. And like a good little Jew, I loved three-pointers (It’s the SAME thing, for one more point! Why doesn’t everyone just shoot threes?).

We all know Reggie was the three-point master. And don’t mistake “fair weather” for “frontrunner.” Those are vastly different labels. I liked the Pacers, good or bad, because I thought they were cool.

I like the Sounders because the beer at their stadium does very interesting things to my body when taken in large quantities. Honestly, I have no idea if they are any good and I don’t care.

Being a “frontrunner” means you live near the Bay Area and didn’t know what a baseball looked like until 2010 when the local San Francisco Giants won their first World Series title. If you now root for them, wear their gear, and try to tell me why they are the best team around – you are a frontrunner. Once they regress, so does your fandom. And that year’s World Series champion will grace your clothing.

On the contrary, being a fair weather fan means you root for a team for whatever reason, but only pay attention when you feel like it. That’s how it goes for me with basketball. It’s a sport I mostly understand, but never really played and definitely can’t objectively analyze.

I’ve been a fair weather Warriors fan for years (very obvious example of not rooting for a first-place team), but luckily I don’t have to put my heart and soul into rooting for them. So all those tortured fans out there probably both hate and envy me.

Tonight, the Warriors beat the defending-champion Miami Heat and reigning-MVP LeBron James. I turned it on for the sheer idea of a distraction and because my alma mater’s pride and joy, Klay Thompson, now graces the Warriors’ front court.

Twenty seven points for Klay later, the Warriors were jumping up and down on the Miami home floor, celebrating a two-point victory and the continuation of a gritty, undefeated (so far) road trip.

I found myself leaping out of my seat when the final buzzer sounded – emotions usually reserved for a Vernon Davis touchdown or Clayton Kershaw anything.

And that is the art of fair weather fandom. If you can watch a team play a game and feel no personal connection to them, but still become emotionally moved by their performance, you can root for them.

Just admit that you are fair weather, and nobody will get hurt. Tonight, I admit to being a fair weather Warriors fan. For the rest of this season, I am officially declared as a supporter of the Dubs (see, I even have the lingo down!).

I mean, why not? Technically my favorite basketball team is 1-0 this year when I watch them play and as their biggest fan, I couldn’t be happier.

If you are a fair weather blogger, follow Jeremy on Twitter @Jamblinman!

Advertisements

Why We Do It

June 24, 2012

I use the term “we” loosely. As much as I hate to admit, I’m no longer an athlete. Unless throwing a dog toy in a game of fetch qualifies as a professional sport these days.

That being said, I do still have the mentality of an athlete when I watch my favorite teams play. So I can understand what’s going through most of their heads, just on a much smaller scale.

And this blog is therefore dedicated to the people that can’t understand. The people who never cared for sports. The ones who don’t realize what winning a championship actually means.

So why do we do it? Why do athletes dedicate days and months and years to becoming the most physically fit, knowledgeable, intimidating players in their respective sports, just for the chance to hold a shiny trophy amid a sea of confetti?

I wish I could tell you it was simply the desire to be the best. To conquer all, and stand on top as a member of the best team at (insert sport here) in the world. But there’s much more to it.

At every level of sport, your body and mind go through amazing transformations as you exhaust them all day, only to be put to rest at night and yanked awake in the morning for the same grueling routine.

And imagine being Ernie Banks. Or Charles Barkley. Barry Sanders. Guys who did it at the highest level, yet never had that ultimate glory of victory. Was it a lifetime of preparation and practice wasted?

Not even a little bit. While never winning the big one would surely be bittersweet, athletes thirst for the competition. They compete because they love playing their sport.

Being an athlete is essentially the same as being a singer, actor, writer, lawyer, executive – you strive to be great every day, oftentimes in competition with others. Monetary reward is fantastic, but in the end, in typical heartwarming fashion, everyone competes for the thrill and the self-fulfillment of a job well done.

Nothing exemplifies the way athletes feel about that pursuit of victory better than this slow-motion screen shot of LeBron James hugging the NBA Finals trophy for the first time. Finally. I don’t think anything will ever portray the feeling better.

For people dismissing LeBron and that “just one championship” don’t understand how much is put into winning that shiny golden ball. Everything described above, plus pitting himself against the best athletes in the world both mentally and physically, on the largest stage imaginable…and winning?

That is the epitome of victory, and it’s exactly why we play sports.

LeBron James: A Complex, Paradoxical Sports Oxymoron

June 9, 2012

Don’t let the title fool you. It’s all going to be okay. Yes, I do have a weird thirst for using the letter “x” in my descriptive verbage.

And yes, I’m about to reach farther for this comparison than Skip Bayless does for his own high school accolades: It’s only because LeBron is the X-Factor in tonight’s game! Hah!

Hey…laugh! I’m funny, okay?

Now that I’ve lost you, let me explain. There is a method to the madness of essentially titling my piece “LeBron James: Confusing.”

And it has nothing to do with his notorious disappearing acts at his teams’ most critical junctures in previous playoff appearances.

Instead, I’m going to talk a traditional mechanism employed by millions of housewives, girlfriends, fair weather and apathetic sports fans everywhere.

I’m talking about rooting for the “underdog,” also known as the team that isn’t favored by Vegas odds makers or “just seem like good guys” or are playing the Yankees.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m a sucker for a good underdog story. I have a hard time rooting against the small market Rays in baseball, and George Mason’s 2009 Final Four run nearly brought me to my knees.

And there  is a certain allure to being labeled an “underdog,” that may actually spark a swell of confidence and self-belief and ultimately lead to a better game performance, possibly even an upset victory. But fact is, most teams who are favored to lose, well…lose.

My question is for all you LeBron haters out there. He is the epitome of a Goliath in this little David versus Goliath dream world you conjure up in every way imaginable.

But when so many root against him, doesn’t that completely, paradoxically, oxymoronically (I like this word so much that I made it up, raised it as my own, and will use it freely. Thank you.) turn the tables?

Doesn’t this make LeBron the underdog?

If it’s cliché to root for Goliath, but fully acceptable to root for the opponent who has been beaten, battered and bruised by hardship, can’t it go both ways?

That is, if LeBron is Goliath but falls into the beaten (has yet to win a title), battered (has shouldered the largest responsibility for both teams he’s been on) and bruised (absolutely destroyed by fans for The Decision to move to Miami) categories, isn’t he essentially David?

Told ya it would be complex.

Normally the story would end with David slaying Goliath. Yay! Everyone lives happily ever after, the last page of the story book depicts a sunny, rainbow and dolphin-filled picture almost as vomit-worthy as this, and little Jimmy goes to bed with a smile on his face (Apologies to any readers named Jimmy. It was the first name that came to mind.).

But when Goliath has been slain every time, and fans of David turn nasty (somebody get this kid spell check!) and grow in number at every one of the top dog’s failings – when do we start to feel bad for the big guy? 

And when it seems like nobody outside of Miami and a random spattering of a few fans are actually pulling for the Heat to win and King James to finally earn his crown, that puts all odds against him to succeed.

Maybe not statistically. But I’ll bet you a majority of people in America who know what a basketball is and have heard of this LeBron fella are rooting for him to crumble again.

And while you’re sitting smugly thinking about the prospects of telling everyone how you’re pulling for the underdog again, the joke is actually on you.

You’ve been so busy gloating and reveling in LeBron’s failures, that your own pungent hatred of the guy has blinded you. It’s not cool to root against LeBron anymore. He is the underdog.

Nobody believes in LeBron. Nobody roots for LeBron. Nobody likes LeBron. Except for the few of us who are hoping the real underdog pulls this one off.

The underdog who happens to be the best, richest most talented player in the pack. What an exceptionally complex, paradoxical sports oxymoron that turns out to be.

Follow Jeremy on Twitter @Jamblinman. Comment below if you beg to differ!

Hatin’ on Haters (Again)

March 20, 2012

If you’ve forgotten already, one of my favorite pastimes is hating on haters. I wrote a scathing blog about people who hated on LeBron James for riding his bike to an NBA game. And I’m about to hate on the second most hated man’s haters this time around.

This is actually more of a statement on Journalism in general, but here goes:

Who would EVER want to work for a tabloid newspaper? I understand that if you are a Journalist in New York you are either into tabloids, politics, money or unemployed. But the mere fact that Alex Rodriguez brought his 20-year-old niece on a birthday shopping spree is not fodder for news.

Today is a bad news day. On Yahoo! mail earlier, there were two news stories. The lead story: Beyonce Flaunts Postbaby Look. Buried below it: Search for Missing Teen. Excuse me while I go punch humanity in the face.

My point is, why are people so enamored with what celebrities are and are not doing? Unless Beyonce is naked or has some kind of Cloverfield-style deformity that will just blow my mind, I don’t really give a hoot about that story.

Similarly, if Alex Rodriguez had laid a forearm shiver to the Easter Bunny in the middle of Central Park while cracked out on hard drugs, I’ll read. Because that would be hilarious no matter who it was. But if A-Rod was trying to give his niece a gift, but accidentally mis-read the return policy, this isn’t news.

If A-Rod had gone back with a baseball bat and shredded the register with a few big cuts, it’s news. Even if the tabloids had taken an angle like how did he afford all that?, it would have been stupid but at least relevant to the situation. It seems to me that Rodriguez and his sister need to have a little chat, because what people are forgetting is that the $17,000 he reportedly spent is literally one at-bat over the course of a season.

You know what I want to see? A story on A-Rod where the journalist sits him down, and says “What do you love about baseball?” Or something to that effect. Because I’m tired of seeing him share popcorn with a girlfriend (wow, what a unique experience!) or bring his own food to restaurants in order to cater to the public’s hypocritical demands that he constantly be in shape and performing on the field to justify the millions of dollars he makes from our own grabby, nacho and beer-buying hands.

Give the guy a break. He did something nice for a family member. Then he ran into a normal, human, every day problem that just happened to have a much bigger price tag attached to it. One that he can afford. He’s human, these things happen.

Not only am I boycotting Yahoo! mail, but I’m done living here. I’m taking my talents to South Beach. And I’m picking up Alex on the way. Me, him and LeBron are gonna go chill. Give us a ring if you want to kick it (especially LeBron, he could really use a ring…ZING!).

And the Oscar Goes to…

February 27, 2012

…Angelina Jolie for her skeleton-in-a-dress outfit! Yay for jokes that are already old. But seriously, when did she go from being super hot to just kinda creepy-looking? Way to go, Brad.

I hate Mondays. We all do. While I was laying in bed this morning after being woken up by this glorious song (daily routine – try it, you’ll love it…money-back guarantee), I was brainstorming what to write for Jam Shots today. And by brainstorming, I mean my brain was starting like a car in the snow. Enough to keep me breathing, basically. And after I valiantly wrestled (and lost) with the idea of calling in sick to work due to exhaustion/Monday morning blues/nomotivation-itis, it dawned on me.

I can write an entertaining, sports-related blog that is timely because it is formatted after an awards show. And it will be fun and easy. Like I need Mondays to be. So, here goes:

Best Supporting Actor – LeBron James: I love the guy, and he’s the best athlete in the NBA, but let’s be real here. He’s not the go-to guy. Every player, coach and fan in the Miami Heat organization wants the ball in Dwyane Wade’s hands with the game on the line. I didn’t watch the NBA All-Star Game this weekend (nor the dunk contest…I was watching water boil instead. I found it much more exhilarating), but even Amish folk must have heard that LeBron passed up a game-winning shot with Kobe prodding him on.

Best Director – Davey Johnson: Okay, this is a completely unjustified selection. But so was Nick Nolte not winning best supporting actor for Warrior at the real Academy Awards. I don’t care that I haven’t seen the performances of the other four actors in that category. Good for that old dude for winning, but Nolte is old too. And he made me cry multiple times in that damn movie. Oh, right…Johnson. He’s the manager of the Washington Nationals. So this selection is based on my prediction that the Nats take home the N.L. East title this year. That’s an accomplishment that will undoubtedly win Johnson a Manager…er Director, of the Year award.

Best Actor – Kevin Durant: I’m just using simple logic here. The All-Star Game pits the best players in the game against each other. The MVP is the best player in a given league. If A + B = C, and B + C = A, then…oh, hell. I don’t know. But Durant took home the MVP honors in yesterday’s All-Star Game, therefore making him the best player in the NBA. It doesn’t exactly work like that, but he may be on track to lead the league’s best team to the NBA Finals. He’s going to be a front-runner for MVP and deservedly so. The Durantula is super fun to watch, and has an awesome nickname.

Best Picture – Moneyball Baseball: Yes, baseball in general. We’re fully into Spring Training. Which means we don’t have to pretend to care about the shortened NBA season or the Sharks lookin’ like a bunch of bums out on the ice. With the brief exception of March Madness, the next 8 months is all about the diamond. Fresh grass, sunflower seeds, incredibly uncomfortable jock protection, and fuzzy, green mascots. If we’re really talking films, take this into consideration. Some dude on Twitter last night during the Oscars had the balls to Tweet to Jermaine Dye that Moneyball was the best baseball movie ever made. I about fell out of my chair. I’m going to hunt that Tweeter down and shove a copy of The Natural (or The Sandlot. Or A League of Their Own. Or Field of Dreams. Or Bull Durham. Or The Rookie. Or Hardball, even. Get the point?) up his ass.

My version of the Oscars has four awards. Sorry I’m not sorry. And sorry it’s only men. I don’t know enough about women’s sports. But I presume Meryl Streep would be nominated in every category and I hope Octavia Spencer would win one of them, because her speech was awesome. Okay, bye now.

Hatin’ on Haters

February 17, 2012

Haters will love this blog. Because I’m going to absolutely tear them to shreds, one hateful limb at a time. And then when I’m done, and they are just a pile of dust, bones and coal at my feet, they will have so much new material to hate on that they won’t know what to do with themselves. I’m about to type the name that stirs things up like death eaters flocking to Voldemort: LeBron. James.

Earlier this week, LeBron was asked if he would ever consider returning to Cleveland before retiring. He said yes. Then, Jeremy Lin faded into the shadows, ESPN collectively pooped their pants and the world exploded. In that order. Forget the people hating on the rumor (which is just a whole new realm of hating I can’t even comprehend right now). Let’s talk about the fact that some analysts, fans and radio hosts were outraged at James even suggesting such an awful thing.

How dare he want to come back to the place he called home, to play for the fans he has always loved despite the new threads, for the franchise he essentially rescued from complete and utter destruction? What a selfish, no-good, ugly prick. Don’t you remember how he mercilessly ripped the Cav fans’ hearts out? And he did it in front of millions of people.

That’s like a girl breaking up with you in the middle of lunch in high school, standing on a table in the rally court and yelling through a megaphone about leaving you for the hotter, richer, more successful guy on the varsity team. Granted, it’s a shitty way to get dumped. But what Cleveland (said boy, or “you” in previous sentence), should have done is just cried, watched a few chick flicks, and gotten over it.

Instead they took the path that most do; talking endless crap about this slutty bitch who wasn’t even that good in bed anyway. It looked pathetic, it was pathetic, and it still is pathetic. But guess what? That entire city…no, the entire state got a half-chub just hearing LeBron answer yes to that question. If he were to sign with the Cavs after his time in Miami, the place would go bonkers. All is forgiven! All hail the return of the King!

LeBron was being honest when asked about returning to Cleveland. Yet he’s still wrong. What? It’s perfectly acceptable for him to carry a decrepit franchise for half a decade, bolt for bigger and brighter opportunities, have a successful career and then return to his roots to re-connect with the community that raised him. It’s kinda the circle of life in America.

I’ve grown up in a mid-sized town in Northern California my whole life. Then I went off to college in Washington. Now, I’m on my way to being the biggest, baddest blogger in the world. Nobody in Walnut Creek, CA is burning pictures of me or sending me death threats. And I will be the first to publicly admit that I’d love to come back to Northern California some day. After I’ve achieved all my goals and had some mad success in a big city somewhere.

Get off LeBron’s back. He’s always loved Cleveland, he always will, and some day he might even come home. You can either be the ex-boyfriend-turned-best-friend, or you can bitch and moan in his shadow forever, stealing glances at him like Gollum at Frodo.

By the way, The Decision? Raised over a million dollars for charity. Sorry haters, you just weren’t good enough for LeBron. He moved on. And when he allows you back into his graceful company, it will be your choice whether or not to forgive your sad, selfish qualms.

Long live the King. Make love, not war. And always wear a seat belt. Later haters.

 

And On The Third Day, God Created Soccer

February 1, 2012

If you think watching Wayne Rooney or Lionel Messi weave through foot traffic and tuck a shot into the back of the net is pretty, you haven’t seen THIS. Oh my sweet Lanta. I’m tempted to just stop the blog on that glorious note. Or link every word to that video. But since I know my dedicated readers (that’s you, dummy!) would flip a female dog, I’ll continue on.

Without a doubt, that is the most epic goal I’ve seen in years. Everything came together perfectly to make that happen – planets aligning, gravity, wind chill, the length of the dude’s shorts. Everything, I tell you. Now comment below and tell me which scorpion move was better? That first one, or the original?

One thing is for sure. Blake Griffin’s dunk the other night on Kendrick Perkins was pretty filthy, but not even his best of the year. Everyone needs to calm down. I see LeBron throwing down cooler jams than that on a nightly basis. Call me when Griffin gets glorified for a real dunk. You know, like when his follow through actually allows his hand to touch the rim.

Is anyone else sick of me talking about basketball? Oh, thank God! I was beginning to go crazy. Wait. Sick? Basketball? Crazy? That can only mean one thing! The Bernie Fine scandal is back! But with a hilariously cougariffic twist. Here’s my disclaimer: I, Jamblinman, do not condone any activities in the following link; nor do I support the behavior of either party. Yet, both alleged parties were consenting adults and this is the gospel to MILF-hunters everywhere. If it bothers you, yell at me. Now, check it out. As those crazy kids today say, ROFL LOLOLZ! I’ll give you old folks a minute to figure that one out.

……

Time’s up!

Now for my last bit of business, this is something I rarely do. I will hardly ever be found verbally abusing Aaron Rodgers. He’s an incredible quarterback on a team I passionately hate, but he’s a good guy, a hard-working athlete and one of the most elite passers in the NFL. With all the mushy stuff out of the way, he needs to get a grip and take a chill pill. Just relax, Aaron! We don’t want you killing any politicians, now do we?

But yesterday, Rodgers was quoted as saying the following after the NFC’s Pro Bowl loss:

“I’ll be honest with you,” Rodgers said. “I was a little bit disappointed. I felt like some of the guys on the NFC side embarrassed themselves. […]

“I wanted to know the plays and I wanted to play well, and I wanted to give the fans a show, and make the Green Bay fans who watched and were watching for me and my teammates, I wanted to make them proud of their Pro Bowlers. I was just surprised that some of the guys either didn’t want to play or when they were in there didn’t put any effort into it.”

Umm, okay then, psycho! I understand his point of wanting to show off for the fans. But nobody wants to get hurt, especially in the least interesting all-star game in sports history. As they should, most guys were there to sleep off the aches and pains of a long season and take in the beautiful Hawaiian beaches.

I don’t know what Rodgers’ beef is with the teammates. No fans were watching anyway. I mean, give me a break. I can only think of one thing in the world that would be less interesting to watch than the freakin’ Pro Bowl. Actually, that’s kind of funny – and definitely has more views than last Sunday’s game.

As per normal, I leave you with the Weird Wednesday Web Story. Okay, so OMG BRB TTYL Ellen is on!!!

Skip Schumaker Is Less Than Or Equal To…

January 31, 2012

…A squirrel? Check out his baseball card for 2012. Honestly, the rally squirrel is definitely more recognizable than Skip, but that’s still kind of a slap in the face. Thanks a lot, Topps.

My real story today is about the most infuriating, terrifying cheerleader of all time. Which picture is less attractive? Hers, or the Georgia mascot’s? D’awwww who’s a good boy who’s a good boy?? Ah. Sorry. Puppies just kill me. Okay, fine. This isn’t my real story. But I had to squeeze it into the blog somehow.

Before I get to the real meat of the pork belly, let me tell you a couple of things. A couple of things that are in the news that me, you, your mother, her mother, your mother’s mother’s lover and Philip Rivers is sick and f*&!$in’ tired of hearing about. By the way, that picture of Rivers isn’t him going crazy from this mundane, repetitive news, although it fits perfectly with my theme here. Sadly, that’s just what he looks like. Yikes.

This. This. That. And This. Whoa, sorry. I don’t know how that last link got in there. I told you I had a crazy birthday weekend…Oh and did y’all hear?? Dwight wants to go to the Bulls now! The only things I want to end more than Dwight Howard trade rumors are high gas prices and that annoying squeak the leg of my desk makes when as much as a hair lands nearby.

Snap back to reality, whoop there goes gravity. Here’s what I really want to whine about. I’m a LeBron James fan. “The Decision,” was not his decision, and you haters will never make half as much in your lifetime for charity as LeBreezy made in one hour of self-indulgent TV time. So shut your yappers.

I bring this up because of him riding his bike to the Heat game yesterday, and how people were blowing up saying he was doing it to show off and get attention. Now the dude can’t even do something healthy and refreshing without being hated on. What’s next, King James breathes too much of us poor peoples’ oxygen? If you are one of these haters (which you are), please kindly shove your head up this guy’s sweaty bunghole.

Told ya I like LeBron. Defend him ’till I die! And here’s one more thing I missed. By like two weeks. That’s embarrassing. But even though the playoff will never happen because that would cost those precious execs their lunch money, I like that it’s being publicly acknowledged by important peeps. It gives me hope.

This guy, though? He’s got no hope. Diop missed that shot worse than this octo-baby misses a typical bone structure.  One last thing before I let you go. Congratulations to my good friend Lauren’s father, Scott Pruett, whose team placed sixth at the Daytona 24 over the weekend. That’s a lot of turning left in sweet-ass cars! Obligatory weekly racing reference, complete.

I leave you with volume two of the Tuesday Tweet of the Day. Fillmoe!

I Just Can’t Wait to Be King

January 30, 2012

…Or at least as good as King James at dunking. My goodness, I’m an awesome blitler (blog titler) aren’t I? And pretty talented at referencing fantastic movies. Don’t worry, I’ll put the link in eventually. But not until the end so you’re forced to read this entire post. MUAHAHAHA!

Whoa. Sorry. Anyways, the reason I bring up LeBron is because of his dunk against the Bulls yesterday. Oh my god. Take a minute to watch that again. Poor John Lucas didn’t even know what hit him.

How do human beings possess the ability to jump that high? He just cleared a six-foot tall man like he was stepping out of bed. There’s no doubt in my mind that I’d give my left nut (it’s really just not up to par with the right one) to be that type of athlete.

But instead, I’m a sports junkie, who sits on the couch taking hits of SportsCenter and SportsNation and whatever else I can get my hands on.

Even if it’s something as weak as the NFL’s Pro Bowl. Brandon Marshall put on a one-man show, hauling in four touchdown passes in the AFC’s all-important win. I only watched bits and pieces, but it was really like watching the Patriots play…the Patriots. Explosive offenses against shitty, out of shape, lazy defenses. Granted, it’s a pointless exhibition but it’s still frustrating to see DBs just standing there as wide outs run right past them.

If Pete Rose was a football player he would have had a least three or four sacks in the Pro Bowl. Just sayin’.

Now, I have one question for all you winter sports geeks out there. Shaun White is the champ, we all know it. Even if he’s annoying and ugly. And he definitely had the best run in the SuperPipe competition last night. But how does he register the first perfect 100.00 score in the history of the event, when he had to put his hand down on one of the landings? That sounds like a pretty glaring bias in judging.

Must be good to be King, eh Shaun?

Well, it’s Monday people. You know what that means. A guaranteed clip to ruin your already crappy day. I introduce, the worst actor in the history of film in the Monday Nic Cage Clip of the Week.

Now get off me, I need to go work on my vert.

Forget You, Beautiful Stranger…I’m Sexy And I Know It!

January 28, 2012

Is there any debate that Saturday is the best day of the week? We get to sleep in, do whatever we want all day and all night, then look forward to absolutely nothing important on Sunday. Winning! I’m sorry. That is an incredibly annoying video.

Well, Saturday is also a good day for splogging. That’s sports blogging for those that don’t know me and don’t understand my obsessive tendency to combine words. They are known as “Jisms” (Jam-isms) and will frequent my blog until you give up on humanity. Right, back to splogging.

We have huge news for the Super Bowl! LMFAO, Cee Lo Green and Madonna are joining forces to play halftime. And now, most of you do the “ohhhhhhhh that’s what the title means” groan. This slate of performers can only mean one thing. Regardless of how little talent is actually present on stage, the show will be stuck in your head like a migraine for at least six days straight. I’m just imagining a mash-up of Party Rock Anthem, Crazy and Like A Virgin. Comment below and specify which one of those three is now haunting your brain. You’re welcome.

Honestly, I think this is a step up from what the Super Bowl has produced in recent years. At least it will be fun. And for everyone outside of Boston and New York, it will definitely be the most entertaining part of the game.

Speaking of fans being butt hurt about their teams not going to Indianapolis for all the marbles…I found a clip of a fellow 49ers fan after they lost in the NFC Championship. I sent the URL (that is essentially the web address, ya old fart) to my roommate, and he responded “Dude that’s exactly what you looked like after the game!” Fabulous.

Even more offensive than my roommate’s comment was what Darrelle Revis told a reporter at the Pro Bowl yesterday. He said he was surprised that Tim Tebow wasn’t there and that he deserved to be in, based on his winning games. Look, I already swore off hating Tebow. But if Tim Tebow is a Pro Bowler, Alex Smith and his 14 wins this season should be starting for both teams.

And I have to ask; what the hell is Rob Gronkowski’s DAD doing telling the media about his son’s injury? Even more frustrating, which media members are so incompetent and desperate that they run to Mommy and Daddy to get a story? This has been happening far too much in professional and collegiate sports lately. Unless the story directly involves a family member, keep them out of it. Parental interference in offsprings’ sports should have ceased right around middle school soccer.

Unless of course, it is the WSOBP we are talking about. Then all fatherly wisdom and motherly care is welcome with open arms. What do you mean you have never heard of the WSOBP?! Prepare to hop on the beer ball bandwagon. The WSOBP or World Series of Beer Pong is the greatest tournament to hit this Earth since Gladiators who looked strangely like Russell Crowe clashed with their nemeses in the Colosseum.

With the World Series of Poker quickly fading into obscurity (let’s be real – EVERYONE thought Phil Ivey was the coolest cat on the tables and he NEVER won), this should definitely fill the slot on ESPN. Anything announced by Bruce Buffer deserves consideration. And who knows, maybe some day beer pong will firmly cement its place in the Olympics, where it belongs.

I know you’re waiting for me to say “just kidding,” but as a proud alum of Washington State University, who are proud consumers of six percent of the national Busch Light sales, who is proud to provide beer for thousands of students to partake in beer pong, I will leave you hanging. Proudly.

On to the game that Michael Jordan ruined for everyone. No, not baseball. Basketball – because he was so unfairly good, who will ever top him? Nobody. That’s who. I just wanted to point out that the last couple days have been a mini-skills challenge if you’ve paid attention to SportsCenter. We’ve had about 30 buzzer-beating half-courters at all levels and Dwyane Wade and LeBron James combined for ten highlight reel dunks in their win over the Knicks yesterday. That is all.

And Jam Shots wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t complain about ESPN at least once. So, without further adieu, I’m sitting in front of the TV right now with the screen paused (isn’t DVR just fantastic?) on this statistic: Rookies in NBA history with 11+ points per game, 8+ assists per game and 4+ rebounds per game are John Wall, Damon Stoudamire, Mark Jackson and Oscar Robertson (who averaged 30, 9.7 and 10 I might add…I think that deserves its own class).

The reason ESPN’s Pointless Stat Dept. is throwing these numbers up, is because Ricky Rubio is currently averaging 11.4/8.8/4.6 for the T’Wolves. The second lowest point total among the four rookies previously mentioned is 13.6 by Jackson. Which means ESPN lowered their standards for this “rookie benchmark” to 11 points per game, just so Rubio would fit and they would have news. I’m too annoyed to even explain why that’s stupid.

Well, that’s all folks. I leave you with the Saturday Badass Clip of the Week (hint: it’s always, always going to be a Denzel clip).

Now go away. I have a sudden itch to watch Remember the Titans. And Gladiator. Who’s got it better than me? *Sniffle* Nobody. *Sob*


%d bloggers like this: