Posts Tagged ‘Kendrick Perkins’

While We’re Young, Wild and Free

February 2, 2012

Well, we can officially put the “Blake Griffin is a God” talk to rest. As I pointed out yesterday, his dunk over Kendrick Perkins was significantly overrated and not even close to one of his ten personal best. Then, some doopster (dude hoopster) laid this beauty down in a college game. And suddenly, rightfully, Griffin is old news.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is how you finish a dunk.

I’m sure by now you’ve all seen some footage of the Egyptian stampede that took place after a soccer match yesterday. The death toll right now is at 74. I’m sure most people here don’t care because 1) it’s soccer, 2) it’s Egypt, but everyone needs to take notice. The United States essentially explodes from within when a streaker so much as tweets that he or she will storm the Phillies’ outfield.

Real fan violence takes place overseas, where soccer is king and passion falls like rain in Seattle (that’s a LOT, if you’ve never been). Take that into account next time you complain about that meany pants with the spiky face at the Raiders game yelled you suck to your family at the game. And if you go to a soccer game abroad, please be careful.

I finally have some baseball news! First, this. Because it’s the Yankees and they get too much pub to begin with, I’ll just hand you the link and tell you to read the first line and sit back in shock. And then you can think about it and realize how much sense Brian Cashman’s assertion makes. That’s all.

But even cooler, we have a Nyjer Morgan sighting! If you don’t like Nyjer, you must be either a commie or a Cardinals fan. But T-Plush is as bad ass a ballplayer as you’ll ever see. He’s the T.O. of baseball, minus the baby mama drama. So get a load of this guy taking on another sport! I love it.

Lastly, I have some punishment to dole out. Let me explain first. I have a raging bromance with Aldon Smith. He single-handedly gave me hope that the 49ers’ pass rush has a prayer in the next few years of returning to form. By the way, what’s the female version of bromance? I suggested homance and heavy flowmance, but my female friends didn’t take kindly to it. If you’re willing to risk public verbal flogging, comment below and tell me what the answer to that timeless question is.

Oh, right. Back to Aldon. He got a DUI the other day. The kid is barely old enough to drink. And as one of his fans, I wish I could just tell him this and let him walk. But he needs to be docked some serious pay by the NFL and a timeout from Coach Harbaugh. If he can make Alex Smith a respectable NFL quarterback, I’m sure he can help crank a few common sense life lessons through the younger Smith’s dense skull.

And it wouldn’t be Thursday without my P.T.Z.D.I.T.H.W.A! (Same title, but shorter. Whatever, just look.)

And On The Third Day, God Created Soccer

February 1, 2012

If you think watching Wayne Rooney or Lionel Messi weave through foot traffic and tuck a shot into the back of the net is pretty, you haven’t seen THIS. Oh my sweet Lanta. I’m tempted to just stop the blog on that glorious note. Or link every word to that video. But since I know my dedicated readers (that’s you, dummy!) would flip a female dog, I’ll continue on.

Without a doubt, that is the most epic goal I’ve seen in years. Everything came together perfectly to make that happen – planets aligning, gravity, wind chill, the length of the dude’s shorts. Everything, I tell you. Now comment below and tell me which scorpion move was better? That first one, or the original?

One thing is for sure. Blake Griffin’s dunk the other night on Kendrick Perkins was pretty filthy, but not even his best of the year. Everyone needs to calm down. I see LeBron throwing down cooler jams than that on a nightly basis. Call me when Griffin gets glorified for a real dunk. You know, like when his follow through actually allows his hand to touch the rim.

Is anyone else sick of me talking about basketball? Oh, thank God! I was beginning to go crazy. Wait. Sick? Basketball? Crazy? That can only mean one thing! The Bernie Fine scandal is back! But with a hilariously cougariffic twist. Here’s my disclaimer: I, Jamblinman, do not condone any activities in the following link; nor do I support the behavior of either party. Yet, both alleged parties were consenting adults and this is the gospel to MILF-hunters everywhere. If it bothers you, yell at me. Now, check it out. As those crazy kids today say, ROFL LOLOLZ! I’ll give you old folks a minute to figure that one out.

……

Time’s up!

Now for my last bit of business, this is something I rarely do. I will hardly ever be found verbally abusing Aaron Rodgers. He’s an incredible quarterback on a team I passionately hate, but he’s a good guy, a hard-working athlete and one of the most elite passers in the NFL. With all the mushy stuff out of the way, he needs to get a grip and take a chill pill. Just relax, Aaron! We don’t want you killing any politicians, now do we?

But yesterday, Rodgers was quoted as saying the following after the NFC’s Pro Bowl loss:

“I’ll be honest with you,” Rodgers said. “I was a little bit disappointed. I felt like some of the guys on the NFC side embarrassed themselves. […]

“I wanted to know the plays and I wanted to play well, and I wanted to give the fans a show, and make the Green Bay fans who watched and were watching for me and my teammates, I wanted to make them proud of their Pro Bowlers. I was just surprised that some of the guys either didn’t want to play or when they were in there didn’t put any effort into it.”

Umm, okay then, psycho! I understand his point of wanting to show off for the fans. But nobody wants to get hurt, especially in the least interesting all-star game in sports history. As they should, most guys were there to sleep off the aches and pains of a long season and take in the beautiful Hawaiian beaches.

I don’t know what Rodgers’ beef is with the teammates. No fans were watching anyway. I mean, give me a break. I can only think of one thing in the world that would be less interesting to watch than the freakin’ Pro Bowl. Actually, that’s kind of funny – and definitely has more views than last Sunday’s game.

As per normal, I leave you with the Weird Wednesday Web Story. Okay, so OMG BRB TTYL Ellen is on!!!


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