Posts Tagged ‘Josh Hamilton’

A Passive-Aggressive Letter to Major League Baseball

December 19, 2012

baseball moneyJust for the record, I hate when people write “Dear ________ (i.e. “Homework”), Please stop being so hard! Love, _______” on Facebook. So stop doing that. My version on this blog is awesome and clever, okay? Stop laughing!

Dear Major League Baseball,

First of all, thanks for all the great times. The home runs, the no-hitters, the magical moments, the near-misses, the joy and the agony, the PED’s and — wait. Okay, that’s enough dilly-dallying. I’ve sugar-coated this enough: I’m pissed.

It crosses my mind every so often. Usually when Joe Schmo So-and-So and his .225 average signs a six-year contract for $90 million that ends up equating to about $225,000 per hit each season. I accept it as fact and move on. Then Frank Tank Wanky Wank and his 1.35 WHIP signs for four years and $48 million, roughly $1 million per win each season.

And worst of all, players who actually deserve big money at the given market value, sign contracts worth between $200 million and $250 million dollars. For playing a sport. A child’s game, played by men.

Don’t get me wrong. I love you. I love baseball. Always have, always will. And I’d give at least half a nut to be playing in your league, making that kind of money for a daily routine of catch, batting practice and bullpen sessions.

But when I see articles like this, I get upset.

Josh Hamilton signing

Oh, did I mention I’m a Dodgers fan? I worship the team that spends hundreds of millions of dollars on free agents and negotiating rights and probably unnecessarily fast cars.

That team, and this sport is my passion. I realize this is “how it is.” And I definitely realize that I shouldn’t complain, since my team is riding that gravy train to being the best team in baseball on paper. But after the hypothetical confetti settles on a hypothetical World Series title, I’m going to get pissed again.

I apologize for the bluntness (no I don’t), but why are grown men with nary a financial management skill being handed game checks worth six figures for swinging a piece of wood at a ball of laced hide?

Professional athletes don’t have it as easy as I’m making it out to be, so I digress. It’s a tough job. And they deserve to be well-compensated for doing that job, especially when the ridiculous income would go straight to the slick-haired, three-piece-suited, likely dirty executives that run the league and the media otherwise.

But even a phenom like Mike Trout – and this isn’t a reach, since the market trends up every single year and he’s already the best player in the game at age 21 – is going to be in line for a contract worth over $300 million when he hits free agency.

Do you realize how much money that is? I’ve never had $300,000,000 $3,000,000 $30,000 $3,000 at any given time in my 24 years on this planet.

I get it. I understand the system. I really do. But what in the world does Albert Pujols do with his $27.5 million per year? Make a side cash salad with his dinners? What does Barry Zito do with his nearly $2 million per win? Buy every fedora and scarf in the Northern California region (that explains why I can’t find any good ones…)?

There are people all over the world starving for 1/100,000,000th of that total in a lifetime, let alone in one calendar year. Most third-world countries would beg for school supplies, shoes, and fresh water for their children.

And even in America, thousands upon thousands of hard-working people work two jobs just to afford rent on a crappy apartment in a shitty neighborhood. If they want to watch Mike Trout play baseball, they better find a hotel lobby with the game on. rich a-rod

I don’t mean to get all sappy and dramatic on you, but I’m just making a point. Here it is, in all its glory:

SALARY. CAP.

Yeah, yeah. It would be tough to sell the players on such a thing. The logistics would be hell. But any player who says, “I deserve $_______ million!” is only justified in saying so because there isn’t a cap. They see mediocre players getting gigantic bonuses, and expect to exceed that. They are right. But you are wrong.

Fix it. Now. Please. Even this die-hard Dodgers fan wants there to be a limit to how much his team can spend.

Here is my proposition: Contract length cap – 7 years. Contract amount cap – $12 million per year/$84 million in a contract. You don’t have to do away with contract options, bonuses and incentives, as long as they don’t exceed a total of $100 million and/or 10 years.

Stop crying, Richie Rich executive guy. You’ll still get a hefty paycheck yourself. You can allocate the leftover funds to making the stadiums nicer, safer and more fan-friendly. You can set up more promotions for your adoring fan bases. Allocate more money to minor league players, as a reward for making it that far. Maybe even donate to charities! Set up developmental leagues in inner cities and foreign countries. Spread the gospel that is the greatest sport in the world.

I’m sure the Albert Pujols and Mike Trouts of this world will survive without a fourteenth guest bedroom in their Malibu mansions.

Much love,

Jeremy Dorn

Baseball Conossieur/Broke-Ass Blogger

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Football in Arlington

May 31, 2012

Well, this is my last daily Jam Shots. After this, I’ll be moving to a weekly format. I know what you’re thinking (I will give you 50 bucks if you watch this whole thing).

And I apologize. But because I’ll have six extra days to think about each entry, you will get a super big, nutritious helping of Jam Shots each week.

There’s not a lot of baseball going on today – just three games. CarGo hit a homer in his fourth straight at-bat earlier today against the Astros, but that’s cliche at this point.

So let’s talk baseball from yesterday. My buddy Paddy suggested I write something honoring the 21-8 blowout in Arlington, TX yesterday. So here goes!

I, for one, had no idea that the Cowboys and Seahawks were playing a very, pre, pre-season game. Shut up, that joke is always funny.

But seriously, the Mariners absolutely obliterated the Rangers in Texas by the count of three touchdowns to one. And the Cowboys tried to make a furious come back, tacking on a two-point conversion, but it was far too late.

What does this mean? I’ll tell ya:

1) Texas pitching is (still) overrated. Mark my words – the Rangers will make the playoffs again, and the pitching will ruin them again. They need to upgrade the rotation before they can win it all.

2) The Seattle Mariners of Pullman (Go Cougs!) are actually going to be pretty solid soon. The offense is young and raw, but chocked full of talent. If the M’s go out and get a big bat this off season (don’t count them out of the Josh Hamilton sweepstakes) and one more solid arm (how does Zack Greinke or Cole Hamels sound?), they are legit contenders in the American League.

Ironically enough, Tony Romo threw out the first pitch at the Rangers game yesterday. Surprisingly, he didn’t fumble the snap like last time he was in a pressure situation against a Seattle team.

Sorry, couldn’t resist.

Thanks for reading the daily version of Jam Shots. It’s been a great run. Starting this coming Sunday, I’ll be putting out one per week. Keep an eye out, and don’t forget to follow me on Twitter @Jamblinman!

Football, Jamilton and Announcements

May 25, 2012

I swear, I’m not just talking football today out of a semi-depression that my Dodgers lost to the ASTROS yesterday. Again. With Clayton Kershaw on the mound. Sigh.

I’ll forget the fact that we have been outscored 15-1 by Houston in our last two meetings combined. And just talk about something exceptionally exciting: the San Francisco 49ers, my hometown football team. My Dodgers of the NFL.

And that they are coming off a 13-3 season that was two muffed punts away from turning into a march to the Super Bowl. And that they are better this year. And the whole top-ranked defense is back. And our rookies are going to be game-changers. And we have brand new wide receivers. And we have no Chilo Rachal. And we have a healthy (finally) Michael Crabtree, who oh by the way, put up ELITE numbers in the second half of 2011. And we have a full off-season under Jim Harbaugh (also known as God, in my circles) for the players to learn his playbook and gel even more as a team.

All I have to say about that, is watch out everyone. If there is still any doubt in a fan’s mind that the 49ers are to be taken seriously as one of two or three legitimate Super Bowl contenders at this point in the summer, said fan is insane. Or a Raiders fan. Okay, so definitely insane.

Can you tell I’m excited?

As for dominant teams and players, I’ll stray away from the Dodgers for once. Remember, they lost to the Astros last night? Yeesh.

How about the Texas Rangers? Again. They dropped 14 runs today and Nelson Cruz had 8 RBI. That’s all the attention Nelly will get from me though. I’m here to talk about their best player, and possibly the best player in baseball: Josh Hamilton.

I’m not going to heap praise on the guy, I just want to ask one simple question: Can Jamilton hit 62? After hitting one today, he’s got 19 on the season in less than 50 games. I’m no math whiz, but considering there are 162 games in a season, I’d have to say he’s on pace for approximately 60.

Who’s to say he can’t go on another ridiculous streak and bomb 8 in one week? He’s certainly got the eye, the strength and the swing to do more damage. My only problem is he hasn’t played a full season…ever? Chances are, Hamilton will miss a chunk of about 15-20 games, which could greatly hinder his home run chase.

My verdict: Hamilton goes nuts this year. But not nuts enough. I’ll give him an average well over .300, 52 homers and 145 RBI. Those numbers will earn him the MVP and two of the three Triple Crown categories. But the home run record will remain Roger Maris’.

Suck on that, Barry, Mark and Sammy.

Last on the agenda today, a sad announcement. Jam Shots will be moving to a weekly format, instead of daily. I’ve been writing this (almost) daily since January 23rd, a span of 130 days by the end of this month. This is my 113th post, out of 125 days.

I’m impressed with myself. That’s like…like…a .900 batting average! Unheard of! Incredible! Hall of Fame worthy!

Alas, I can’t keep up. I’m hanging up my keyboard and going into more of a player/manager role. I do anticipate a couple of things: my weekly blogs will be even MORE epic. And, I get to also post weekly on my old blog, Jamblin’ Man! That one won’t be about sports, so 90 percent of my audience will actually read them. If you like my sports, stick with Jam Shots. Otherwise, be ready for the revival of an old friend.

And there will just be so much more room for activities.

Jam Shots will be strictly for sports, posted once a week. Jamblin’ Man will show off my freelance writing SKILLZ, with just thoughts, ramblings, poetry, travel writing, creative writing and everything in between. And of course…that will be posted once a week as well.

Thanks to everyone who has clicked my silly links every day in 2012, and hopefully, when June rolls around and this baby goes weekly, you’ll stick with me and continue to read.

Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter @Jamblinman!

Top Ten Thursday

May 10, 2012

I was laughing at one of Brandon Phillips’ tweets yesterday (if you didn’t know who the Reds 2nd baseman was, get off your electronic device and go take a long walk off a short pier), and it got me to thinkin’…I love the game of baseball. But I also love the players.

At risk of sounding like a ditzy middle school girl who is making a list of cute boys she would kiss, here are my top ten “wanna meet” MLB players.

10. Brandon Phillips – Goofy, fun-loving and a hell of a second baseman, my primary high school position!

9. Andre Ethier – Because he’s gorgeous, obviously. Uhh what? No I’d like to ask him how he swings so sweet though.

8. Eric Chavez – One of my all time favorite players from the early 2000’s Oakland A’s. Seems like a nice dude.

7. Lance Berkman – The Big Puma looks like a huge teddy bear and has been one of the coolest dudes around for years.

6. Orlando Hudson – Does this really need explanation? The most badass guy in baseball.

5. Chipper Jones – One of the first guys I remember watching in the 90’s. Incredible player, class act, future hall of famer.

4. Josh Hamilton – He’s the best hitter in baseball right now and had an unbelievable story.

3. Gio Gonzalez – The former Athletic clinched himself a top-3 spot here with his giddy first career hit celebration this season for the Nats.

2. Derek Jeter/Mariano Rivera – Say what you will about the Yankees, but these two guys are classy and will go down in MLB history as two of the greatest players ever. I’d give a nut to shake their hands.

1. Matt Kemp/Clayton Kershaw – If I would give a nut for DJ and Mo, imagine what I would do to meet my favorite player and favorite pitcher on my favorite team. Hall of Fame talents and great guys. Arguably the best pitcher and hitter in baseball today!

There you have it. Let me know who you would want to meet! But I don’t need to know which body parts you’d sacrifice so skip that part. Until tomorrow, thanks for reading Jam Shots! Tune back in tomorrow.

Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter @Jamblinman!

DOUBLE HEADER TIME!

April 21, 2012

We’ve got a doozy today, folks. A Detroit Tigers vs. Texas Rangers double header. The two best A.L. teams thus far in 2012 and the two favorites for the A.L. pennant. We’ve got reigning Cy Young and MVP winner Justin Verlander on the hill for one of the games, and Matt Harrison, he of a sub-1.00 ERA for the Rangers as well.

And do I really have to tell you about the two offenses? If the answer is yes…well…time to get out from under your rock.

Here are my predictions for today’s double header:

Game 1 is actually already in the books. And I say that because Harrison is not gonna allow ten runs. Which is one more than what the Rangers have already scored through two innings. Yes, they are up 9-0 in the second inning. Josh Hamilton went deep AGAIN, so he’s now got 6 on the season.

The only thing I can really predict is how many runs Texas will finish with. And that number is…16. I think they win 16-2. BOOM.

Game 2 should be different, as Verlander is pitching. But this IS the Rangers. It seems that in double headers, the team that scores a ton of runs in one game, can’t continue the pace in game two. That’s also assuming said team doesn’t have nine all-stars in its lineup. If any team is capable of two crooked numbers in one day, it’s the Rangers.

This might be a surprise to you, but I’m taking the Rangers in a sweep. Why? Logic. The Tigers have a great offense, but the Rangers is better. I think they can scrape together a couple runs off Verlander, and I think Neftali Feliz will baffle Prince Fielder, Miguel Cabrera and company.

Give me Texas in a sweep, combined score of 20-3. Ouch.

Lunch time here in Florida. Don’t forget to check back tomorrow!

Follow me on Twitter @Jamblinman.

Roger Goodell Loves Mormons

February 4, 2012

Confused? Mission (HAH, mission!) accomplished! I say Roger Goodell loves Mormons, because he is doing everything he can to move games away from Sunday. It’s football, Roger! Games are played on Sundays. He announced a couple days ago that more games will start moving to Thursday Night Football in order to get more teams on prime time.

That’s awesome, considering people work on Friday mornings and will be less likely to stay up late and watch a game during the week. Sunday mornings are about church for some, NFL football for most. You can wake up late, grab a beer and some chips and relax in your Jamarcus Russell jersey all day. Like the league needs more money and exposure anyway. But it’s an impressive job of word-twisting by the evil commish to make it sound like he’s doing it for the teams’ benefits. Moving football games away from Sunday is like moving Christmas to December 26th because it’s a Friday.

At least Goodell isn’t as stupid as the city of Indianapolis (does that statement now make me the most hated man in Indiana? Send me your hate tweets, I can’t wait to read them). I understand the vision here, but I guarantee it’s going to backfire. People will gladly pay a small “fine,” especially when you give them the benefit of calling it a donation to charity, to be exceedingly intoxicated on Super Bowl weekend. This will be one of those grand experiments gone wrong, mark my words. It’s cute how lazy that Indy P.D. is, but when they are overrun by drunken, trespassing ticket scalpers who have a free pass and will take full advantage, they’re going to wish they had just done their jobs.

We have breaking news in the cycling world! Similar to Tiger Woods for golf, if it’s not Lance Armstrong, it’s not cycling news. But one of the greatest, most unfairly-attacked-by-French-people athletes of all time, is finally off the hook for a crime he never committed. The federal investigation into doping claims against Armstrong and his team has officially been dropped. Everyone knew he was clean; that’s why the case was completely, publicly forgotten about for the last three years.

I guess Lance now gets that justification of being told by those important government scientists that his seven straight Tour de France victories will stand. I wonder how much money they spent probing Armstrong over the last decade? No wonder our country is in financial ruin…by the way, I want to see Barry Bonds try to out-ride that field. That dirty cheater.

Yesterday, I was just begging for the news about Josh Hamilton relapsing to be false. Today I found out it was true. Hamilton faced the media, apologized for his relapse, explained what happened and promised to never let it happen again. I believe in Josh, but when he’s on such a big stage, even something like a few drinks at dinner is national news. Hopefully everyone is with me on rooting for Josh to get back to complete sobriety and never let one of those “weak moments” affect him again.

In my last real bit of news, Brandon Jacobs is apparently going to be a boxing promoter when his football-playing days are done. Brandon Jacobs is apparently already a boxing manager. Brandon Jacobs apparently used to box before turning to football full-time. Dude. I don’t care about the first two – who in their right mind would want to fight BRANDON JACOBS (6’4″, 264 lbs. of solid muscle by the way)?? Hang on, I’m going to go change my boxers. Oops. Accidentally punny.

Oh. And hey…do this: WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Before I leave you with the real Saturday Badass Clip of the Week, I’m going to give you a Badass-in-Training clip. Check this little guy out. Great form! He could beat most of my friends, that’s for sure.

Now for the Real S.B.C.O.T.W. – You’re welcome.

Damn, they are all TERRIBLE shots. All right, I’m out of here. I’m going to go see if the Walnut Creek P.D. will accept a charitable donation for my illegal shenanigans. Peace.

Is Driving a Zamboni Even Possible When You’re Sober?

February 3, 2012

Oopsies…

There’s going to be so much college football recruiting news in today’s blog, you’re going to be tackling red shirt walk-ons in your sleep. We’ve got a Jamarcus Russell-sized QB commit, one who loves fast food, and one who could allegedly be the butt of “therapist” (insert a space in the appropriate place and figure it out) jokes when it’s socially acceptable in a few years.

Let’s talk about Fatty McFattysons first. And please don’t tell him I said that, cause the dude is SCARY. I don’t know how effective a passer he’ll be in college, as he’s already rated as a “worse passer” than Russell was at this point in the recruiting process. But one thing is for sure. If he gets past the D-line when he’s scrambling, the only person with a prayer to bring him down is the mascot in a celebratory jump hug. Here’s to hoping he turns out more positively than Russell did.

Now this is just hilarious. I remember the day I had to choose which college I was going to attend. Not because I was signing a letter of intent to smash opposing players in the mouth, but because my mom called me at lunch in high school and told me I had to decide by the end of the day. But I absolutely did not choose Washington State over San Diego State because there were two McDonald’s in Pullman, WA. Give me a break, kid.

This one is not as funny. It’s scary, sad and troubling. If it’s true, of course. When it comes to the combination of sports and crime, though, it can be pretty gut-busting. For example, how does one get a DUI? If you drink, don’t drive. Duh. But, if you get a DUI driving a Zamboni on the ice rink?! That’s just silly. And you deserve a high five before getting locked up.

Hey, did you all hear? Tom Brady is now “The Most Hated Man in Buffalo!” Do you know why? He said the hotels in Buffalo weren’t that great. Jesus, media members. Chill the hell out. People in the city named after a stinky, dirty, ugly animal are offended that somebody was unhappy with the mints on their hotel pillows. Who gives a buffalo dropping?

The fact that this story is news pisses me off. And the fact that Buffolians are pissed off about it makes me want to punch a puppy. An ugly one though. Cute ones are unpunchable. This whole Brady-hatred-for-innocent-statement saga makes no sense. It’s not newsworthy. If he had pulled something like this, I’d understand a little anger.

Here’s some anger for you. If I could do this even from a distance; from a remote island to a disappearing ESPN cruise ship sailing into the sunset, I’d die happy. Then I’d draw “Screw YOU Skip!” in the sand and pee all over it. Props to you, Mr. Smith. And am I ever jealous.

I hate to end this blog on a sad note, but I have no choice. Josh Hamilton is one of the best sports stories in the world. He’s like Miracle combined with the Natural combined with Warrior, all on steroids. Oh, shit. Not on steroids. That joke definitely doesn’t work when referring to baseball. Comic relief aside, reports have surfaced that Hamilton was spotted drinking in a bar in Dallas. I really, really hope that these aren’t true. I’m a big Hamilton fan. And relapse is okay when you’re Jamblinman and you’re drinking the daily sports scoop. But when you were suspended for multiple years for drug and alcohol abuse, relapse is not ideal.

What can I do now, but leave you with an awesome song to jam to while you read the rest of my fabulous blogs? By the way, Buffalo. Everyone hates you. How appropriate, given my Friday Song of the Week. I feel like an actual band made up entirely of horses would sound a hell of a lot worse. Alright, go away…time for a beer. Too soon?


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