Posts Tagged ‘Jemile Weeks’

The Most Pun You’ll Ever Have In a Baseball Blog

April 13, 2012

I love puns. I even still say “Oh, dear” when I see a deer on the side of the road. And chuckle to myself. It’s a personal problem.

I also love baseball. And with a plethora of goofy names at my disposal, I find myself stumbling across accidental puns every single day when talking baseball.

Now, I like my fantasy baseball a lot. But I’m curious – would one of my teams drafted purely on stats and analysis, beat my newest team? The one I’m going to build right here in front of your very eyes? The all-time pun team??

Here goes nothin’:

Catcher – John Buck

Get your mind outta the gutter, people! No cussing necessary! We could be talking about how John “bucks” the trend of most catchers. Perhaps he wears one of those big, stupid cowboy belt Buck-les. When he hits a homer, is it like Buck-shot?

Honorable mention – A.J. Ellis: What the Ellis going on?!

First Base – Justin Smoak

Too easy. He hit a home run in Japan to kick off the 2012 season, and I saw no less than 3,587 tweets within ten minutes about how Justin “Smoaked” the ball. When he’s playing poorly, could he be “smoaking” too much druggage? In a rain delay is he Smoak on the water?

Honorable mention – Adam Dunn: Get ‘er Dunnnnnnn!

Second Base – Jemile Weeks

One of the things I’m really looking forward to this season is for Weeks to start heating up. When he drops a big bomb this year, it’ll be a lot of fun to pull out the double whammy: “He hit that ball a Je-mile! It took Weeks to come down!”

Honorable mention – Dan Uggla: Ohhh man, that was an Uggla swing. (Like…ugly? No?)

Third Base – David Wright

Not only is Wright one of the best players in baseball when healthy, you can expect plenty of easy puns with that last name. Is grabbing David as my third baseman the Wright move? You tell me!

Honorable mention – David Freese: Tonight’s forecast…a FREEEEEEESE!

Shortstop – Derek Jeter

“Jeters never prosper” is still one of the best fantasy team names I’ve ever seen. I really can’t think of much else that works for him but “cheater.” Given the massive amount of fans that seem to hate him, I guess that’s appropriate though.

Honorable mention – Troy Tulowitzki: He threw that ball wayyyyyy Tulo. Heh.

Outfielders – Corey Hart, Andre Ethier, Hunter Pence

That Corey guy on the Brewers really has a Hart of gold doesn’t he? Ethier that or all the ladies Hart Corey! I can’t decide – I Ethier take Andre or Hunter. But Hunter always swings for the Pences.

Honorable mentions – Ryan Braun, Shane Victorino, Jay Bruce: Despite being so Brauny, Jay is a Bruce cannon. Can he still get a Victori…no.

Starting Pitchers – Mark Buehrle, Roy Halladay, Yu Darvish, Matt Cain, Mike Minor

For the defense behind Roy, it feels like a Halladay when he’s pitching. Cain Mark be any more Buehrle? And the Yu puns are just a Minor offense. Do Yu think Yu knows all the words to Yu-th of a Nation by P.O.D.? I surely do. But, do Yu?

Honorable mentions – Doug Fister, Chris Sale, Matt Moore, J.A. Happ, Phil Hughes: It’s a fire Sale in Chicago this year…could they be any Moore pathetic? I guess it’s just Happ-enstance. Chicago fans must be Hughes-d to it by now. (No, I’m not going to even try with Fister…use your imagination, you dirty scoundrels…)

Relief Pitchers – Grant Balfour, J.J. Putz, Brandon League, Jason Motte

I can’t think of a surname worse for a pitcher than Balfour. Usually, that means you just walked the guy. J.J. really Putz people in their places in this League. Was that play even League-l? He’s definitely Motte your average closer.

Honorable mentions – Todd Coffey, Javy Guerra, Aaron Crow, Tyler Chatwood: I could really use a good cup of Coffey. Sweet Crow hop, Aaron! You know what Chatwood be weird? Talking about Javy the Guerracuda. (Okay, that’s my own creation on the last one. I just love me some Javy in the 9th inning!)


There you have it. The all-pun team of 2012! My outfield and pitching is pretty loaded, but I could use a little help at catcher, first and shortstop. I’m accepting all and every trade, so comment below and send those ideas my way! Happy Friday the 13th…don’t forget to follow me on Twitter @Jamblinman. Thanks for reading.

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First LIVE baseball game!

April 3, 2012

It’s officially back for me, folks. Last night, I went to AT&T Park to watch the Oakland A’s play the San Francisco Giants in an exhibition game. A final tune-up for the regular season. Except for the A’s, who already played two real games in Japan. Rage. Don’t ask me about that.

Anyway, the Giants pulled out a 4-2 victory behind timely hitting from Brandon Belt and Melky Cabrera. Brian Wilson got an enormous ovation when he trotted in from the bullpen for the save attempt. I hate him with all my might, so needless to say, I stayed in my seat looking at my phone.

But the biggest ovation of the night came for San Francisco’s pride and joy, Buster Posey. He’s back from a horrific leg injury suffered at the beginning of the 2011 season, and while I love his game, I hate his team. So I wasn’t too happy about that.

But enough about my gripes (PSYCHE! Those are just getting started…). Here are some other observations from game one of my soon-to-be epic season of fandom:

– Cliff Pennington is going to have a better season than a lot of people realize. By no means does that make the A’s a contender, but he’s a sleeper. Take him late in your fantasy drafts.

– Giants fans continue to amaze me. And not in a good way. There was a group of sober, jersey-wearing Giants fans within ear shot who didn’t even know who most of their team’s players were. This isn’t a statement on their fan base in general, as I have many good friends who are solid, die-hard Giants fans.

– Eric Sogard turned on a Madison Bumgarner (who looked slightly shaky for once) pitch and pulled it down the line for a two-run homer to start the scoring. Boom!

– Josh Donaldson plays a mean third base. Two very nice running, over the shoulder catches in foul territory. His throwing error was Jemile Weeks’ fault at first base. You don’t stretch with your throwing hand, bro.

– I hate to admit it, but damn it if AT&T  Park isn’t pretty. The view of the Bay is so freakin’ awesome.

– That is, until the seagulls started a coordinated flight pattern over the stadium with intent to poop. No joke, the game was forgotten for at least three innings while people dodged flying gull feces. Props to the…rather large woman three rows ahead of me for laying out like Coco Crisp for a fly ball in order to get away from a white and brown bomb flying at her head. Underrated mobility from that lady.

– My goodness, Aubrey Huff is slow. He failed to cut off a ball that was headed for the corner even though it passed him on its way to the wall about eight feet from where he was originally positioned.

– The aforementioned trailer truck (Huff) didn’t help his case, getting gunned at home on a play at the plate early in the game. But a very nice throw from Josh Reddick in right field!

– Santiago Casilla made a relief appearance for the Giants. And I had his jersey on! From when he played on the A’s. Hashtag, awkward. Good thing I had a jacket on to cover the name so I didn’t look like a complete dweeb. Hey, we all make mistakes.

– My buddy, who later fell asleep in his seat (wtf?!) caught a Yoenis Cespedes homer in batting practice. Does this make him the first person to ever catch a BP home run by Cespedes in an American Major League park?! Hang on to that sucker, dude. Might be worth a few bucks in like 30 years.

– Lastly, the Giants did throw up a pretty sweet montage of the city, complete with the Golden Gate Bridge, Coit Tower, and other recognizable monuments. I giggled to myself in my seat, wondering what an A’s version of that would be. Five minutes of a camera circling Jack London Square?

That’s all I have. It was a great time, despite the flying crap and the final score. Can’t wait until next week when I get to see the A’s for the first time in a game that COUNTS in 2012! Until tomorrow, bring an umbrella to San Francisco. ‘Cause that shit cray. Literally.

BASEBALL IS BACK!!!

March 28, 2012

I’ve never been so excited to wake up at 5:30 a.m. for anything in my life. Opening Day is upon us and it’s like Christmas, New Year’s, Fourth of July and Cesar Chavez Day (very underrated) all wrapped into one! The A’s and Mariners squared off in Tokyo this morning and if you haven’t already seen or heard…spoiler alert: Mariners 3, A’s 1 in 11 innings.

I root for the A’s, so the result was too bad. But I’m just happy to have baseball back. It just feels right to watch Brandon McCarthy’s dirty curveballs and Felix Hernandez freezing batters on pinpoint pitches. Or Jemile Weeks lacing singles up the middle, Ichiro beating out infield hits. This is what I live for.

Some observations from the first four innings (I had to go to work after that and have the final seven innings recorded!):

First pitch of 2012 – Strike! Brandon McCarthy to Chone Figgins.

First hit of 2012 – Naturally, Ichiro gets an infield single up the middle. He ended up 4-5 with an RBI for the game.

First K of 2012 – McCarthy gets Justin Smoak check-swinging at a curveball in the dirt.

First A’s hit of 2012 – Jemile Weeks leads off the bottom of the 1st with a good at-bat that results in a solid single up the middle. Big things comin’ for him this season!

First bad managerial non-call of 2012 – Weeks on 1st after the single, why not steal or bunt? Oh that’s right. The A’s don’t bunt. -_-

First stolen base of 2012 – As if A’s manager Bob Melvin could read my mind, Weeks takes off with one out and swipes 2nd base.

First bad stadium song of 2012 After the steal, Lenny Kravitz started blaring over the loudspeakers. Ew.

First strange observation of 2012 – My goodness, do the A’s have any right-handed hitters? Kurt Suzuki and Yoenis Cespedes hit from that side, but it looked like everyone else in the lineup was a lefty…

First Cespedes sighting of 2012 – Oh boy…not quite as awesome as his first Spring Training at-bat. Cespedes K’s on an ugly swing.

First derppppp move of 2012 – Michael Saunders makes an inexplicable mistake after singling and stealing 2nd base. Little Leaguers could have told Saunders not to try to go to third when the ball was in front of him. He’s tossed at third easily by Cliff Pennington. #BaseballBasics

First runner caught stealing of 2012 – Brendan Ryan makes the foolish decision to challenge Kurt Suzuki’s arm and is gunned down at second base. The M’s are not running the bases very well!

SECOND random observation of 2012 – Jemile Weeks lines out to center, but hit that ball very solidly. He’s swingin’ the bat WELL early on…only good news for A’s fans!

THIRD random observation of 2012 – Mike Cameron is throwing out the first pitch on April 13 at the Mariners’ home opener! Hot damn I hope my road trip brings me through Seattle that day.

First home run of 2012 – Boom goes the Dustin Ackley! An absolute BOMB to straight away center, and now we have our first big bap and first run AND first extra-base hit of the season in the top of the 4th! 1-0 Mariners. And Ackley is just getting warmed up.

First hit and run – In the top of the 4th inning, Ichiro takes off for second base and Mike Carp pulls a grounder to the right side. Or was it Justin Smoak? Hell if I know, they look exactly the same.

First impressively athletic play – New A’s outfielder Josh Reddick makes a very nice running catch and nearly gets his quick throw back in time to double off Ichiro at second.

First double of 2012 – After 3 and a half innings of official baseball, Pennington gives us a double to left-center in the bottom of the 4th. He later comes around to score on a double by Kurt Suzuki. I leave for work with the game tied 1-1.

Here’s to baseball being back and more to come! And don’t fret – I’ve written plenty on my Dodgers agreeing to a new ownership deal with Magic Johnson’s bidding group. You can find a write-up HERE and HERE. Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter @Jambliman!

Also…breaking news – GO NINERS! They signed Super Bowl-winning, monster running back Brandon Jacobs to a deal, shoring up some necessary depth at that position. Super Bowl or bust!


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