The other day, I sent Kelsey a text message and called her “darling,” which is something I would probably never say in person. It got me thinking about some do’s and do not’s when pet naming your significant other.
When you are a couple of huge baseball fans like Kelsey and I, it goes without saying that first instinct should be to punify (now a word) the names into something MLB-related. So the first MLB Fan Cave couple has compiled some pro tips on how to formulate such names.
I will not reveal if any of the following suggestions have been used in our regular conversation or not (spoiler: some have…liberally), but take a look. Kelsey and I have each come up with two nicknames our gender would like to be called in a romantic baseball relationship, and two that should be avoided like a fastball to Miguel Cabrera.
Read on, friends, family and fellow baseball lovers:
Jeremy (speaking for guys):
Do call me: “Babermetrics”
YOU KNOW WE’RE BASEBALL NERDS. The range factor of our love for you will significantly increase, and the kisses per nine will also be buoyed. And the fact that you’re implying that you like stats as much as we do is a turn on. Get on that!
Don’t call me: “Brian Babean”
A pet name that plays off the real name of a decent GM (for a rival team nonetheless…), who is an old, graying man is the last thing that will make us respond favorably. Even Giants fans don’t like that nickname.
Do call me: “Giancarbeau Stanton”
Not only is “beau” a fancy French word that we all assume means “sexy man beast of mine,” but being associated in any way with Stanton is a massive compliment. We immediately connect his power bombs to our own physical prowess.
Don’t call me: “GiancarBRO Stanton”
Sure, you might be inspired by the Fan Cave Top 30’s fantastic video, but this would not amuse us. “Bro” is not a term you use in any romantic relationship. That’s reserved for our siblings and actual bro’s that we crush beers and watch games with, bro.
Kelsey (speaking for gals):
Do call me: “Main Squeeze Bunt”
Come on…nobody ever stopped liking the phrase “main squeeze.” It’s hard to say without a smile, and we all know bunts can come in handy, too. Just like a good girlfriend!
Don’t call me: “Boo Piniella”
On the other hand, the word “boo” has been overplayed. Not to mention Piniella’s likeness is probably not one a girl would like to adopt. Are you saying we look like old, angry men? That’s immediate grounds for a dirt-kicking, base-throwing tantrum.
Do call me: “Angel in the Outfield”
Okay, it’s really cheesy. And it might remind you of Angel Pagan, the Giants center fielder. But it’s a sweet, simple, and purely baseball-related reference. Being called an angel in almost every context is adorable, but combining it with baseball? Winner.
Don’t call me: “Busch Baby”
It breaks my heart to put something Cardinals-related on my “Don’t” list, but this one doesn’t really stir memories of the majestic ballpark. Instead, you are comparing us ladies to the wide-eyed furry thing that haunts our dreams.
Tweet to us @KelseyShea11 and/or @Jamblinman with your punny baseball pet name suggestions using the hash tag #FanCaveCouple. For more pro tips from the first-ever MLB Fan Cave couple, check out our Valentine’s Day gift-buying guidelines, surviving rival fandom blog, and tips to a long-distance baseball relationship.
Jeremy
Jam Shots 