Posts Tagged ‘Circle of Life’

And the Oscar Goes to…

February 27, 2012

…Angelina Jolie for her skeleton-in-a-dress outfit! Yay for jokes that are already old. But seriously, when did she go from being super hot to just kinda creepy-looking? Way to go, Brad.

I hate Mondays. We all do. While I was laying in bed this morning after being woken up by this glorious song (daily routine – try it, you’ll love it…money-back guarantee), I was brainstorming what to write for Jam Shots today. And by brainstorming, I mean my brain was starting like a car in the snow. Enough to keep me breathing, basically. And after I valiantly wrestled (and lost) with the idea of calling in sick to work due to exhaustion/Monday morning blues/nomotivation-itis, it dawned on me.

I can write an entertaining, sports-related blog that is timely because it is formatted after an awards show. And it will be fun and easy. Like I need Mondays to be. So, here goes:

Best Supporting Actor – LeBron James: I love the guy, and he’s the best athlete in the NBA, but let’s be real here. He’s not the go-to guy. Every player, coach and fan in the Miami Heat organization wants the ball in Dwyane Wade’s hands with the game on the line. I didn’t watch the NBA All-Star Game this weekend (nor the dunk contest…I was watching water boil instead. I found it much more exhilarating), but even Amish folk must have heard that LeBron passed up a game-winning shot with Kobe prodding him on.

Best Director – Davey Johnson: Okay, this is a completely unjustified selection. But so was Nick Nolte not winning best supporting actor for Warrior at the real Academy Awards. I don’t care that I haven’t seen the performances of the other four actors in that category. Good for that old dude for winning, but Nolte is old too. And he made me cry multiple times in that damn movie. Oh, right…Johnson. He’s the manager of the Washington Nationals. So this selection is based on my prediction that the Nats take home the N.L. East title this year. That’s an accomplishment that will undoubtedly win Johnson a Manager…er Director, of the Year award.

Best Actor – Kevin Durant: I’m just using simple logic here. The All-Star Game pits the best players in the game against each other. The MVP is the best player in a given league. If A + B = C, and B + C = A, then…oh, hell. I don’t know. But Durant took home the MVP honors in yesterday’s All-Star Game, therefore making him the best player in the NBA. It doesn’t exactly work like that, but he may be on track to lead the league’s best team to the NBA Finals. He’s going to be a front-runner for MVP and deservedly so. The Durantula is super fun to watch, and has an awesome nickname.

Best Picture – Moneyball Baseball: Yes, baseball in general. We’re fully into Spring Training. Which means we don’t have to pretend to care about the shortened NBA season or the Sharks lookin’ like a bunch of bums out on the ice. With the brief exception of March Madness, the next 8 months is all about the diamond. Fresh grass, sunflower seeds, incredibly uncomfortable jock protection, and fuzzy, green mascots. If we’re really talking films, take this into consideration. Some dude on Twitter last night during the Oscars had the balls to Tweet to Jermaine Dye that Moneyball was the best baseball movie ever made. I about fell out of my chair. I’m going to hunt that Tweeter down and shove a copy of The Natural (or The Sandlot. Or A League of Their Own. Or Field of Dreams. Or Bull Durham. Or The Rookie. Or Hardball, even. Get the point?) up his ass.

My version of the Oscars has four awards. Sorry I’m not sorry. And sorry it’s only men. I don’t know enough about women’s sports. But I presume Meryl Streep would be nominated in every category and I hope Octavia Spencer would win one of them, because her speech was awesome. Okay, bye now.

Welcome to Sportsaholics Anonymous

January 20, 2012

My name is Jeremy (Hiiiiiii Jeremyyyyyyy…) and I have a problem. I am addicted to sports. And I’m not talking the occasional hit behind the bleachers at lunch during high school. I’m talking breakfast, lunch and dinner. And I won’t make any apologies about it. I will ditch an intervention and go down swinging if anyone wants to take me to rehab.

Sports have always been a huge part of my life, and it’s a chunk of me I refuse to lose. I’ve had my own personal blog, filled with mundane stories of traveling the world, or the daily questions I bother myself with (Why did Bob Marley spare the Deputy? Why did Emma Watson cut her hair? Why doesn’t EVERYONE wake up to The Circle of Life ring tone?!), and the occasional sports quip.

But here’s a place, away from my glamorous, unpaid position as a Major League Baseball Featured Columnist for BleacherReport.com, where I will shamelessly relapse on my sportsaholism every…single…day. I will do it my way. And you will read it. And you will like it.

Starting Monday, January 23rd, 2012 I will grace the pages of this blog with my wisdom, hilarity and insight once a day. I will discuss the biggest sports stories of the past 24 hours, even if business is slow and I’m only left with the “sport” of NASCAR to talk about.

Not that it matters – the world is ending in 11 short months. But until then, your final days will be filled with my writings. I apologize in advance.

No I don’t. You are feeding the fire and it burns so good.

Follow this blog if you enjoy the rhymes I’m spittin’ and please feel free to engage me in a fierce debate in the comments section. But I must warn you…I bring the pain.

For now, enjoy the greatest catch ever made. See you soon.


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