Bryce Gets a Timeout

If you don’t knowwww, now ya know! That Bryce Harper is still a little punk bitch.

Have ya heard? Harper smashed his own face with a bat! Seriously? And to think I had started to like the kid.

I had gotten past the fact that he pulled his helmet off while running to 2nd base against the Dodgers. Yes, like a middle school girl does in softball.

And I had even learned to live with Harper openly rooting for the Yankees, Lakers, Cowboys and Duke. Or that he says his jersey number isn’t actually 34, it’s 3 + 4 = 7, “like Mickey Mantle.” Douche.

It was easy enough to ignore such shortcomings because he had been relatively, quietly humble so far in the Majors. And his talent is way too much to ignore.

But this is just pathetic. I don’t think Harper realizes how many times some players (I’m looking at you, Adam Dunn) have gone 0-for-5 with 3 strikeouts. Get over it, kid. Shit happens. No need to bust your own face over it.

That’s a sure sign of startling immaturity from Harper. I know he’s young, but I didn’t stab a No. 2 pencil through my eye every time I failed a test when I was 19.

Manager Davey Johnson needs to reel Harper in now, because it’s a slippery slope with guys who have bad attitudes. Exhibit A: Milton Bradley.

The Nationals have a golden opportunity to shock the baseball world in 2012, but they will need the kid to chill out and hit baseballs instead of his own ugly face.

At least Harper’s teammates are having fun with the whole incident. Apparently, shortstop Ian Desmond has bestowed the nickname “Bam Bam” upon the hot headed rookie.

Ah, yes. Bryce Harper. The rookie who hazes himself!

Thanks for reading another edition of Jam Shots and don’t forget to follow me on Twitter @Jamblinman! Until tomorrow, watch out for that wall.

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