Why I Hate The Wave

I hereby dub thee “Wave Wednesday.” And now I hereby hate you, Wednesday.

Everyone knows what the Wave is. The out-of-date, no longer funny fan tradition that occurs no less than 14 times per game in any given baseball game.

Football and basketball are already catching and probably passing baseball in popularity and I assume that’s because their fans don’t do stupid shit like the Wave.

Buy why, Jeremy? Why do you hate the Wave so? Glad you asked:

1. It always fails the first few times. It’s the one fan who is so giddy about the idea of starting a Wave that he starts giggling and foaming at the mouth and yelling “come on everybody!” But even when properly pulled off it sucks…

2. …because it has always sucked. In baseball, hitters are judged heavily on batting average, right? Succeeding three out of every ten at-bats is considered great. Four out of ten is legendary. Well in my lifetime I’ve seen ONE successful Wave. Out of approximately 23,776,189 attempts. That’s a poor average.

3. It shows that you’re not paying attention to the game. Not even a little bit. If you paid $20 for tickets, $30 for beer and God knows for food just to come do the Wave, you are the bad economy, incarnate. You know how I know you’re not watching the baseball game in front of you? Because you’re watching the attempted Wave go around the stadium to see if every section keeps up the excellent choreography of standing up, raising their arms and going “wheeeee!” All those holes in the Wave? They are real fans who are about ready to break your spine if you block their view one more time.

4. It doesn’t pump the players up. Guaranteed. It probably just annoys them as much as it does fans like me. Oh sure, they might play it safe and say it’s great to the media, but they are lying. Imagine trying to do your soulless desk job with all your co-workers doing the Wave around your cubicle? Ten bucks says you punch a hole right through the intern’s chest by round number three. Just cheer and scream and chant and yell at the umps and do anything BUT the Wave. Please. Your team will thank you, secretly.

5. And the absolute worst…it distracts the pitcher. Which means every other half inning, the people behind home plate are randomly all jumping up and looking like doofi (plural of doofus…duh) right when the pitcher is throwing to the plate. It’s like a really awful flash mob, except when dangerous objects are being wielded by the unsuspecting audience of the mob. Let your guy do his thing. Actually now that I think about it…go ahead and distract him so he serves up a fat one for a homer and you all settle down for good.

That’s all for Wave Wednesday. That’s all for me today, so check in tomorrow for more Jam Shots. Follow me on Twitter @Jamblinman and please, for the love of baseball…stop participating in the Wave.

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One Response to “Why I Hate The Wave”

  1. Jillian Says:

    If you’ve only seen one successful wave in your life, you need to spend more time in Seattle. We INVENTED and then subsequently PERFECTED the wave. Precisely because it distracts us from the game…

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