NFL Draft: Grading Round 1 – The Confusion Chronicles

So, the first round of the 2012 NFL draft has ended. Needless to say…WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED? I’m pretty sure 29 of the 30 picks were defensive linemen, and what is Brandon Weeden doing going to Cleveland already? I’m just utterly confused and amazed at what just took place.

Rather than do the typical grading that all analysts do, I’m just going to grade based on how confused the pick made me. An “A” means not confused, an “F” means flabbergasted. Hah. Funny word, flabbergasted. Read on:

1. Indianapolis Colts: Andrew Luck, QB, Stanford

Well, duh. It’s been known since the day the Colts clinched the worst record that Andrew Luck would be Peyton Manning’s successor. Confusion Grade: A

2. Washington Redskins: Robert Griffin III, QB, Baylor

Well, duh. It’s been known since the day the Redskins traded for this pick that Robert Griffin III would be the next QB in Washington. Confusion Grade: A

3. Cleveland Browns: Trent Richardson, RB, Alabama

The Browns need all the help they can get. Getting a game-changing runner like T-Rich is a no-brainer for an offense that lacked so much punch. Confusion Grade: A

4. Minnesota Vikings: Matt Kalil, OT, USC

Poor Christian Ponder needs a little protection, and I’m not talking about in the bedroom. The Vikings made the obvious choice, getting the best lineman on the board. Confusion Grade: A

5. Jacksonville Jaguars: Justin Blackmon, WR, Oklahoma State

I mean…okay. Blackmon has a ton of potential. That’s great. But, the Jags wanted him so bad that they traded up to get him? Jacksonville better hope this works out. Confusion Grade: C

6. Dallas Cowboys: Morris Claiborne, CB, LSU

Anyone who nabbed Claiborne in this draft was going to score high, Wonderlic test be damned. I just hate that it had to be the Cowboys who got him. Confusion Grade: A-

7. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Mark Barron, SS, Alabama

The Bucs reportedly wanted Barron all along, and that’s why they moved back to get him. So good for them! I just don’t know why they are so enamored with Barron. Confusion Grade: C-

8. Miami Dolphins: Ryan Tannehill, QB, Texas A&M

It doesn’t matter what the Dolphins do, because Matt Moore will be better than this guy, and this guy won’t be Dan Marino. Sooo…wow. Confusion Grade: D

9. Carolina Panthers: Luke Kuechly, LB, Boston College

Obviously the Panthers need some defensive help, but the only reason this move makes sense is that they don’t believe their two solid inside LBs can stay healthy. Confusion Grade: F

10. Buffalo Bills: Stephon Gilmore, CB, South Carolina

Sure, why not. The Bills are another team that needs tons of help, so why not go for the play making defensive back that every analyst loves? Confusion Grade: A-

11. Kansas City Chiefs: Dontari Poe, DT, Memphis

And so it begins. The run of defensive lineman is longer and messier than the runs down my pants after eating Taco Bell. Which is actually a better decision than drafting Poe here. Confusion Grade: F

12. Philadelphia Eagles: Fletcher Cox, DT, Mississippi State

The Eagles traded up to the 12th slot just to get Cox? Seriously? Why not go with someone who is actually going to make a difference in the NFL? Confusion Grade: F

13. Arizona Cardinals: Michael Floyd, WR, Notre Dame

HAHAHA. I’m so happy this happened. Now the Cards have an elite wide receiver and one with the potential to be an elite wide receiver! Not sure how Kevin Kolb will throw to them from his back though…Confusion Grade: F

14. St. Louis Rams: Michael Brockers, DT, LSU

This dude is an absolute beast. Six foot five, 322 pounds of pure muscle and grit. Too bad none of the weight is devoted to his brain. Waste of a pick. Confusion Grade: F

15. Seattle Seahawks: Bruce Irvin, DE, West Virginia

Irvin is a really great story, but once again, Pete Carroll proves himself to be an absolute idiot. Enjoy 6-10, Seattle. It’s happening again. Good luck with Matt Flynn as your QB. Confusion Grade: F

16. New York Jets: Quinton Coples, DE, North Carolina

I actually love this pick by the Jets. But I hate the Jets. Mostly because they have Mark Sanchez AND Tim Tebow. Which means forget the defense, draft a QB. Confusion Grade: F

17. Cincinnati Bengals: Dre Kirkpatrick, CB, Alabama

Fantastic pick. I still think they could use a little more firepower on offense, but Andy Dalton and A.J. Green should be one year better and smarter in 2012. Confusion Grade: B+

18. San Diego Chargers: Melvin Ingram, DE, South Carolina

I like this pick for the skill they are getting, but is the defensive line really their biggest problem? How much longer until Philip Rivers is replaced? Confusion Grade: B-

19. Chicago Bears: Shea McClellin, DE, Boise State

Now we’re just starting to get desperate. Is this seriously the first-round defensive lineman the Bears wanted? I highly, highly doubt it. Confusion Grade: F

20. Tennessee Titans: Kendall Wright, WR, Baylor

He went a little earlier than most people expected, I think. But Wright has a ton of speed and a lot of analysts are high on him. Unfortunately, the Titans have nobody good to throw him the ball. Confusion Grade: B

21. New England Patriots: Chandler Jones, DE, Syracuse

The Patriots traded up for once and absolutely stole this guy from the rest of the league. The fact that so many other D-Linemen went before him is a straight travesty. Confusion Grade: A

22. Cleveland Browns: Brandon Weeden, QB, Oklahoma State

I thought this was a joke at first. He won’t play until he’s 30, if he plays at all. And Skip Bayless likes the pick, which should spell doom for Cleveland. Confusion Grade: F———–

23. Detroit Lions: Riley Reiff, OT, Iowa

The fact that Reiff was available this late is just stupid. How many teams wasted a pick before this that could have ended up with the second best tackle in the draft? Confusion Grade: A

24. Pittsburgh Steelers: David DeCastro, G, Stanford

Okay, yeah…what? Great, incredible, ridiculously good pick by the Steelers. Because DeCastro has the talent to be a top-10 pick. But he fell way too far. Confusion Grade: A-

25. New England Patriots: Dont’a Hightower, LB, Alabama

I love to hate the Patriots, but damn if they didn’t steal two future stars in the first round of this draft. After snagging Jones from Syracuse, they got the best inside linebacker on the board. Confusion Grade: A

26. Houston Texans: Whitney Mercilus, DE, Illinois

The Texans are one team that didn’t have a ton of changes to make. They already have a top-rated D, and with a healthy Matt Schaub, could be the best team in the AFC. Confusion Grade: A

27. Cincinnati Bengals: Kevin Zeitler, C, Wisconsin

Um. Who? ‘Nuff said. Confusion Grade: F

28. Green Bay Packers: Nick Perry, DE, USC

This monster of a lineman had been shooting up mock draft boards, but I’m still surprised he slipped this far. This could make the Packers’ D a lot better. Confusion Grade: A

29. Minnesota Vikings: Harrison Smith, FS, Notre Dame

Well that makes no sense. But at 6 foot 2, maybe Smith is a sleeper pick…still many different moves that should have been made for Minnesota before this one, though. Confusion Grade: D

30. San Francisco 49ers: A.J. Jenkins, WR, Illinois

This may just be the greatest first round pick in the history of any sport. With the speed of Steve Smith, the hands of Larry Fitzgerald and the heart of a lion, Jenkins is a sure-fire future Hall of Famer. Confusion Grade: A+

31. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Doug Martin, RB, Boise State

Not bad, Tampa Bay. Not bad. Other than the Patriots, the Bucs might be the biggest winner of day one. They grabbed a change of pace back here to go with LeGarrette Blount. Confusion Grade: A

32. New York Giants: David Wilson, RB, Virginia Tech

I hate it. I hate that the G-Men made such a good move. Wilson is going to be an absolute steal. I don’t know if he’ll lessen the hurt of losing Brandon Jacobs, but it’ll be close. Confusion Grade: A

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