The Argument for Soccer

So the NHL playoffs are all over TV. Whoop-dee-freakin-doo. You know what I think about hockey? Soccer on ice.

Yup. That’s damn right and I have no shame in saying it.

Don’t get me wrong, hockey seems like a real tough sport. Lots of skill and conditioning are required. Plus you have to be a figure skating champ.

But at least they can use their hands. Soccer, by far the least-appreciated sport in America (besides curling), is similar to hockey.

Two goals on either end, two goalkeepers and one objective: put more shots into the net than your opponent.

Oh yeah, and no hands. All you hardcore hockey fans out there…first of all, how’s the weather (Psyche! I know it’s shitty.)? Second, try resisting the natural urge to throw up your hands to block a rocketed soccer ball. Heads and chests only, please.

The main difference besides the obvious iciness in hockey is that nobody gets laid out by some meathead thug in soccer. Instead they just get mangled by cleats aimed at ankles, shins and knees. Oh, and soccer goals are WAY prettier than hockey goals.

You may be asking “what’s the point of this blog, Jamblinman?”

To that, I say stop wasting your time watching a bunch of ice dancers with sticks. Give soccer a little lovin’!

Next time you feel that urge, find the Fox Soccer Channel and just TRY to not love it.

Thanks for reading…until tomorrow, don’t go offsides and don’t forget to follow me on Twitter @Jamblinman.

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