Three Things I’m Happy About Today

Yes, it’s that simple. Three things. Today. That make me happy. Lezzgo.

1. Alex Smith resigning with the 49ers made me jump for joy. Literally. I looked ridiculous. I can finally re-open my Smith shrine. And I’m fully looking forward to charging the public per visit once he wins the Super Bowl in 2012-2013. Seriously, the 49ers are a legit Super Bowl favorite now after somehow convincing Alex to forgive them. Don’t forget, they added two very good wide receivers and re-signed all 11 defensive starters. Uh-oh, here comes troubleeeee! (Opposing teams.)

2. Sean Payton was suspended by the NFL and Fuhrer Goodell for the entire season for the bounty mess. I like Payton a lot and I like the Saints, but this was absolutely deserved. If you’re going to pay your players to hurt other players, instead of just preaching old-school, hard-nose football, you are going to pay the price. What ever happened to the desire to win being enough motivation? I’d be happy if Gregg Williams never coaches again in the NFL.

3. Tim Tebow is traded to the New York Jets. This simply makes me happy because I have way too many friends who are Tebow fans. This will not only prove that last year was a fluke (the Jets are a much worse defensive team compared to the Broncos), but it’s going to be absolutely hilarious to watch Tebow and Mark Sanchez try to throw passes. If you like watching car wrecks, welcome to your new favorite team, the New York Jets. Oh, and Rex Ryan is a little bitch.

That’s all I have for you today. Bye-Bye Tebow. Sucks to be you, Ryan and Sanchez. Bye-Bye Payton. Helloooooo Alex Smith! We missed you.

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